Page 34 of Never Tell Secrets
Alfie turned back to the fire as he found his words again. “Wealthy members only, but guests were allowed and they could be of any financial status. There were only a few members that were allowed to bring guests–myself and my Tellers, one or two others, but there were hoops to jump through to get themthrough the gate.” He took a breath and I gazed at him, my attention rapt. After waiting for so long, to finally have him talk so freely was exhilarating.
“First, you had to give two weeks advance notice to me or one of my Tellers that you wanted to bring a guest. Then, said guest had to undergo a rigorous background check and sign a shit load of paperwork to be allowed on the property. Once through, the guest was given a necklace to wear for the duration of their stay that identified them as a guest. That part was non-negotiable. The necklace would be put on and locked before they entered and the keys would stay with a different Teller to the one they were accompanying. When they were ready to leave, they had to find that Teller to have the necklace removed, which wouldn’t be done until they were off property.”
Holy crap. They weren’t playing around.
“I know that sounds excessive but it was for everyone's privacy and protection. The club had an ‘anything goes’ policy. The necklace signified that that person was a guest and that there were lines with them that couldn’t be crossed. The member who brought in the guest was entirely responsible for them. They ensured their safety. Make sense?” he asked, looking at me to make sure I was still with him.
“Yeah, it’s smart.”
“And it worked. Charles, however, never liked rules. He would turn up with some equally volatile friends and my Tellers and I had to shadow them all night to make sure no one got hurt. He’s the reason that we now have undercover security who pose as members at every event.”
“You couldn’t have just not let him in?” I asked. Alfie opened and closed his mouth, his jaw ticking.
“I was too afraid,” he answered finally and my heart clenched to hear it. “I’m ashamed to admit that but it was true. Besides, refusing him entry would have signalled to the world that therewas a problem with him and, to the world, my brother was the golden child. I knew what he was, Riley and Elliot too, and from my behaviour, my Tellers had gotten an inkling. They didn’t ask questions, they were good like that, but they figured out enough to be on their guard when he was around.” He took a steadying breath. I knew we were getting closer to unearthing his secrets and the closer we got, the more he struggled.
“So, Charles would come and the night would be tense as I waited for something bad to happen but for the most part, he behaved himself. Until he started to bring girls. Vulnerable girls, desperate ones. They walked into those parties looking at that wealth as if finally, they had found a way out of their troubles. Charles liked to dangle his wealth in front of them, then snatch it away. A cat toying with a mouse.” He shook his head as if it disgusted him.
“The first girl he brought, I insisted on her wearing the necklace signalling her as a guest. Charles agreed to it. Then, later, I found the girl in the kitchens, screaming as he tried to burn it off her neck with a creme brulee blowtorch.”
I was shocked but I shouldn’t have been. My stomach turned over at the image. That poor girl.
“She received medical attention, was compensated and hushed up, but I never made another one of his girls wear a necklace after that. I still remember that night, the girl crying in the kitchen, the smell of burnt flesh and hair, the look on his face, that sardonic smile when he said‘now look what you made me do.’” He grimaced at the memory. My hands twisted in my lap. I didn’t want to hear any of this but I needed to.
“Word of what he did that night spread through the club. He made everyone nervous, but with his mask off, Charles felt less need to hide. Especially knowing that our confidentiality policy prevented any member from disclosing to the outside world what he was really like.”
I could feel him building. All of this backstory, all of this scene setting was building to something big. Alfie took a deep breath.
“When I was twenty three, Charles arrived with a new play thing. Her name was Lina. She was a small, dark-haired thing, just his type. I had one of my Tellers run a background check on her like I did for all of our guests. Not in the two weeks prior like we were supposed to, but while she was already in the clubhouse. It was better than nothing. Usually, the check came back pretty basic, but Lina’s came back like the world's most depressing episode ofThis Is Your Life. Foster care, a criminal record for solicitation, vagrancy, shoplifting, the list went on and on. She was about as vulnerable as it gets but she looked at Charles like he was about to give her the moon.” He sounded disgusted. My stomach turned thinking of such a vulnerable person in the grasp of someone as unhinged as Charles Tell.
“He brought her around a few times and each time…she never cried and she never asked for help but his treatment of her wasn’t decent, to say the least. I tried to step in when he left her alone, asked her if she wanted help, offered her money, but she just wanted Charles and I let it continue. Covering up for him had become a way of life for me. I wish I hadn’t. I wish I’d called the police and reported him the first time I saw him hurt someone. I think often about how many people might have been spared his damage if I’d done that. How many people he hurt because I didn’t have the guts.” He bit off his words, the hatred he held for himself like venom in his voice.
“Would it have made any difference? You call the police, your family uses their money and connections to protect him, he gets away with it, and you’re left standing there with a target on your back.”
“Yes, I know that’s true, but at least I would have tried.” He sighed and I could hear how difficult it was becoming for him totalk, the words trudging through years of guilt ridden sludge as they fought to be free.
“One night, he arrived at the clubhouse, Lina in tow, just as he had all those other times. I hadn’t been expecting him as he was supposed to be out of the country, so that night, I was already drunk, high along with everyone else. I don’t remember much but I guess…I guess he just slipped through the cracks. I don’t remember him arriving, though I’m sure someone told me. Perhaps that someone presumed I’d take care of it and didn’t realise how wasted I was. Perhaps my Tellers were too fucked up that night to notice. Whatever the reason, the fact is, no one was watching him and he was left to his own devices.” He paused, gritting his teeth.
I wished I could make this easier for him but this, this was why I had to hear it from his own lips and not read it in his journals. I needed to experience it with him. Whatever happened next I knew it would be bad and I didn’t want to experience that alone.
“Eventually, as the sun was coming up, the party eased down and I started to sober up. I was walking to my private room in the clubhouse. It was hidden and inconvenient to get to on the top floor. The place was quiet, everyone having either left or passed out, but as I got closer to my room, I could hear noises.” He paused again. I gazed at his profile as he stared into the flames. He didn’t look at me as he spoke, as if he couldn’t bear to see my face, too lost in his memories. I knew he was reliving things he fought so hard to keep at bay. I felt guilty for dragging his demons to the surface but as I recalled, all of this was his choice. I watched him slip into his memories, and when he spoke again, his voice was eerily calm, as if he was resigned to the pain that would come with his next words.
“I thought it was people fucking at first but something didn’t feel right. I followed the sound to one of the many rooms usedfor all manners of fuckery. I cracked the door open and I saw my brother on top of Lina. I’d seen them fuck before but this time was different. There was blood on the floor, blood smeared on the table. I tried to convince myself I was just high. But then he had his hands on her throat and I knew I wasn’t. He was whispering to her as he raped her, as he strangled her, telling her to die pretty.‘Die pretty for me.’I’ll never forget those words.”
I didn’t want to hear this. I didn’t want to hear any of this, but I knew I couldn’t stop him.
“Her eyes found mine as he choked her. I’ve never seen anyone look like that before. Like a lamb led for slaughter. She was so frightened, Lo.” He cut himself off, biting back his words. I stayed perfectly still, but inside I was roiling. I didn’t want to hear what came next but I knew I didn’t have a choice. I had to know, and he had to tell me.
“I barely remember what I did next but I know I ran at him and threw him off her. Lina was gasping for air. She fell on the floor, naked, and that’s when I saw the marks on her back. I thought he’d whipped her but later she told me he’d cut her. Three long stripes down her back. Her face was bruised where he’d beaten her. She was putting her dress back on, surprisingly calm, so I think she was in shock. I think I was in shock too because I forgot about my brother. I couldn’t stop staring at what he’d done to her. My memories are so hazy. I remember talking to her, telling her to run and then a shooting pain in my ribs. Charles kicked the wind out of me and I fell, trying to catch my breath, but he just kept kicking me. I remember how quiet he was when he did it. He didn’t yell or laugh. I could just hear him breathing and Lina making a strange, mewling sound. Like she wanted to cry but was too scared to draw attention to herself.”
I hated this. Hated the thought of Alfie being hurt. I gritted my teeth and swallowed back my tears, grateful that he was too focused on the flames to see how much I was struggling.
“He kicked me in the head and I think I passed out. It was just for a moment because when I came to, he was pushing Lina to the floor, trying to force himself on her again. I was right there and he didn’t even care. She was crying, panicking, and something just…snapped. I tackled him. We wrestled and I got some hits in but the fight was always going to go one way. That was the difference between Charlie and I, I didn’t enjoy causing pain and he did. He was always going to win. He had me on the floor again. He was on top of me, grinning and then suddenly, he wasn’t.”
His eyes glazed over, flames flickering in those steel greys as memories danced across his mind's eye.
“I remember the crunch, the sound of skull splitting open, and him landing next to me. I remember Lina standing over him with a bloody statue of Hedone in her hands, her eyes round in shock.” His words came quicker now, tripping over themselves, desperate to get out, like hostages held captive for years and finally freed.
“He was still alive, moving, talking but his words were so slurred I couldn’t understand him. He just lay there, looking at me with those shark eyes. I’d like to tell you that I panicked, but I didn’t. Maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was Lina, maybe it was just the look on his face, but for the first time in my life, I wasn’t scared of him. Quite calmly, I dragged him out onto the balcony. It was like I was in a trance, or maybe it was the shock…” He swallowed, his throat bobbing.
