Page 60 of Never Tell Secrets
“Probably.” He cast an indifferent glance over the room, at the row of sex swings in the corner. “Jealous?”
“Insanely.”
“If you want to stake your claim I won’t stop you.” He wasn’t joking. I felt the full weight of his words as he watched me, I could feel his need emanating from him. He wanted me. Helooked like a lion done toying with his prey and ready to make the final blow. Which meant it was time for me to go.
“I should find Keira and Maia.”
“They’re fine.” He dismissed me.
“I should check on them anyway.”
“They’re fine,” he repeated, watching me so closely. Agitation grew in my gut, a warning that I was getting ever closer to danger. I swallowed, the collar moving with my throat as it undulated. I pulled at it.
“This thing is too tight.”
“But you like it.”
“No, I don’t like it,” I snapped, the lie slipping out before I could stop it.
He didn’t look angry, more amused. My knees almost buckled as he leaned forward, his gaze roaming over me. “One day, you’re going to trust me enough to let me spank you raw for telling me lies.” Visions of Alfie doing just that flashed through my mind and to my horror, the thought made me wet. I pressed my thighs together, willing the want away, but it wouldn’t go.
He stood, crossing to me, his pace lazy, languid. “It’s natural to like the collar, O’Connell. It’s just your body’s way of reminding your brain that it belongs to me. Itlikesbeing owned by me.” He stopped in front of me. His fingers drifted lower to the space between my breasts resting over my thudded ribcage. He smiled a little, feeling my heart flutter at his touch.
“I can’t help it if my body reacts to you. It doesn’t mean anything.” Slowly, carefully, he took my hand and pressed it to his own chest where I felt his heart beating a heavy rhythm.
“It means something to me.”
“Stop.” My voice came out in a hushed plea.
“Why? What will happen if I don’t?” I squeezed my eyes shut–we both knew what would happen. “Lo, I?—”
I stepped away, cutting him off before he could take that sentence anywhere. I stepped out onto the balcony, breathing in a deep lungful of air, trying to cleanse myself of Alfie Tell. It wouldn’t work. It never did. I felt his presence behind me.
“I know you’re scared, but at some point, you’re gonna have to stop running and jump with me.” His voice was low, intoxicating. I could barely breathe and it was just too much. Avoiding his gaze, I stepped around him, but before I could make it to the doorway he grabbed me around the waist and slammed the doors shut, sealing us outside. My hands pressed against the cool glass, his breath warm on the back of my neck.
He didn’t step away, but remained flush against me, pinning me against the glass with his body. The body that had never failed to set my world on fire.
“Don’t, Alfie.” He straightened, giving me room but not backing away. He smothered my senses. “You’re too close,” I gasped, my breath steaming the glass.
“I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.” His voice was low, words meant only for me and the night enveloping us. I turned, shoving at his chest but he grabbed my wrists, holding me still. “You told me tonight to let go of my demons. I faced them down for you, you need to do the same.”
“The difference, Alfie, is that your ghost is dead. Mine is still alive and can still hurt me.” I squeezed my eyes shut, my control well and truly broken. “This was a mistake. Keira was right.”
“No, she wasn’t right. You’re just panicking.”
“I need to go.”
“You need to stay. To face this with me. That’s the point of all of this, isn’t it? Face our demons and move on. I’m your demon, Lola. Face me.” His voice was urgent, pulling me to him from the inside. It hurt. It hurt because when he was like this, he was so fucking dangerous. I needed to get out of here. I spun on my heel, grabbing at the door handle again but Alfie caught me upin his arms again. The sudden contact stole my breath away, his arms wrapping around me from behind.
“Get off me,” I gasped, struggling. He didn’t answer, only held me firm. I struggled harder, squirming and fighting. It was too much, he was touching me and it was too much. He was getting in, my walls were cracking and I was terrified. Memories of the pain of losing him haunted me, memories of every pillow drenched with my tears, every headache from falling asleep on the bathroom floor after a night of drinking, of Keira’s worry as I hacked off my own hair. I couldn’t risk that again. Icouldn’t.
‘Trust me.’He wanted me to trust him? How could I when every touch was a threat? Every glance was a warning?
“Please let go,” I sobbed, pleading with him to stop risking my sanity. To leave me in peace. But he just held me, not pushing, not backing away, just holding me through my storm. My fight began to wither, my mind was tired and as always, my body knew where it wanted to be. As the fight fell out of me, Alfie pulled me closer, holding me close as my breathing slowed. “I hate you.” I felt broken. Like Alfie had just taken a mallet to my hardened heart and cracked it down the middle.
“Not as much as I hate myself for doing this to you.” He held me tighter. “I’m going to fix this, Lola. I swear it, but I need you to let me try.” My fists clenched, everything inside me screaming to get away from the threat he posed. Just before I could scream, he loosened his hold until only a gentle touch remained on my waist.
“I have an idea. Will you go somewhere with me?”
