Page 61 of Never Tell Secrets
I shivered in the night, trying to fight the panic-filled tears running down my face. I nodded and he stepped away leaving me colder without him. I followed him inside and watched, confused as he crossed the room to the cabinet where a vintage gramophone sat. He opened the cupboard underneath, pulling out a row of old vinyl records. He studied them before selectingone. “Take this?” I took the record from him. The title was italian and not one I recognised. He grunted as he lifted the gramophone.
“Isn’t that heavy?”
“Very. Get the door, will you?” He strode ahead of me and I followed, opening the door. I didn’t understand what was happening. He’d had me cornered on the balcony–why hadn’t he taken it all the way?
“Where are we going?” I followed him down the hallway. Eventually we came to a door with a‘Strictly no entry’sign on it.
“Open the keypad. Type in 3852.”
I did as he asked and the door unlocked with a smooth click. I opened it, allowing him through and following him into a tight stairway. I followed him up, up until suddenly I found myself stepping out onto a small private rooftop. It took me a moment to realise we were at the top of one of the towers, as high up as we could be. My jaw dropped as I took in my surroundings. I felt like I’d just stepped into a gothic garden wonderland nestled up high in the night sky.
The design was simple, but effective. Roaming ivy was the only life here and had curved its way around the brickwork and up the side of the building. At the centre of the rooftop, a gazebo, feminine statues with rolling curves acting as columns, holding up the intricate iron dome that did nothing to block the stars. Low stone benches connected each statue and it was on one of these Alfie set down the gramophone.
“Not many people are permitted up here, especially during a party. Too much risk of a drunk idiot falling off the roof.” We have privacy, that’s what he was telling me.
“It’s beautiful, but why have it if no one is allowed to enjoy it?”
“It was a pet project of Rileys. His work is littered all over the grounds though. I’ll show you, but not tonight.” He extended ahand, nodding at the record I had clutched to my chest. I handed it over, watching as he set it up, placing the needle as the sounds of soft music meant for the night time began to croon to us.
I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling wholly out of my depth. He tried to take my hand but I snatched it away.
“What is this Alfie?” I asked, scrutinising every feature of his perfect face. “What game are you playing now?” He looked at me, so sorrowful as I backed away from him. “You had me cornered on the balcony–why didn’t you just take it all the way then? You could have won and you know it.”
“Winning isn’t the point. Mending the damage I did to you is.” He took a deep breath and I watched him search himself for the right words. “You need to learn to trust me with your body again. That I won’t break your boundaries. I can’t kiss you, or fuck you, or pleasure you, or manipulate my way back to you. So, just dance with me.” He stepped towards me, my heart beating like an anvil in my chest. He asked me to dance with him like it was so simple, as easy as that to be held by him. Like it wouldn’t break me.
“For what it’s worth, I’m terrified too.” I believed him. I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. Could he really be as afraid of me as I was of him? “The thing is, when I’m scared the only thing that has ever helped is you. So, can we just stop talking, stop testing and toying with each other. Just let me be with you, please. Just let me feel that peace again.” He held a shaking hand out to me, fear bright in his eyes that I might reject him again. “Just dance with me, baby.”
He was killing me, but he was right, despite my fear, I had to try. Holding my breath, I slipped my own trembling hand into his. Slowly, we stepped into each other, our bodies moving in perfect synchronicity like they always had. His touch was magnetic, my skin alive yet perfectly content. I hated how right it felt.
I pressed my cheek against his chest, trying to relax, trying to trust. I had to try, I had to let him fix this broken part of me or I would never be whole again.
He buried his nose in my hair, breathing me in. His heart beat a steady rhythm, it surprised me how calm he was, as if his body knew too that this was right.
We stayed there till the dawn broke, the noise of the party below meaning nothing to us. We swayed and spun, tentative fingers over goose-pimpled skin, reacquainting and reaffirming that our souls had known each other once. I felt his tendrils creeping in but this time it felt different, instead of barbed wire they were made of soft cotton milled from a sun drenched meadow. He felt sweeter, cleaner. And yet, my walls refused to fall. Because Alfie Tell was nothing if not the master of manipulation and he could make me believe anything.
But tonight, just for tonight, I could dance with him.
Twenty-One
The dawn rose on us, our bodies swaying as gentle as a lake lapping at a pebbled shore. I didn’t want to stop, not ever, and in the end, it was Alfie that pulled away.
“I should take you home.”
I looked up at him. He looked so content. It was an expression I wasn’t used to seeing on his face. “You’re volunteering to end this?”
“Trust me, I could stay here all day, but you need time to process. So do I.” He cupped my face, his touch gentle. His tenderness surprised me now. Before he was full of so many sharp edges, and many of them were still there, that deep intensity would always remain, but he had a vulnerability about him now that wasn’t there before. A vulnerability he seemed comfortable with in a way I had never seen. The Alfie I’d known fought every revealing moment, kept me at arms length like his life depended on it. Now, he seemed okay with me seeing inside him. As if he had nothing left to lose, no reason to keep me out anymore. I’d seen the worst of him and I was still standing here, even if it was only for a little while.
“Yeah, I’m pretty tired,” I said, barely stifling a yawn.
“You can sleep here, if you’d rather not wait till you get home. Or, we could go to my place, it’s closer than yours.”
I considered it for a moment before shaking my head. “No, I need some space. Besides, I should probably check on Keira and Maia.” My eyes widened then. “Are they still here? Oh my god, I left them alone all night.” Guilt settled in my stomach. I was a shitty friend.
“They weren’t alone, my Tellers took care of them.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking it. “They both left a while ago. Marx and West sent me a text when they removed their collars. Elliot drove them home. They’re fine. Stop worrying.”
Hopefully, they wouldn’t be too angry with me for ditching them.
He stepped away, pressing a hand to my back as he guided me to the door.
