Page 75 of Never Tell Secrets
“I didn’t really know you.” It was the truth and he knew it too.
“That’s fair. We’re going to change that.” His words were a promise that sent a shiver up my spine.
“And then?”
“And then at the end of the three months, you can decide if the real me is what you want.” He put the final morsel of sandwich in his mouth, sitting in silence as we finished eating.
“Do you think it might not be?”
He sighed, putting our rubbish into the bin by his desk.
“Lo, do you have any idea how terrifying it is that I can’t fuck you?” The urgency in his words caught me off guard. This was a topic we’d danced around for weeks now. No sex. It was a rule I was glad we had but I’d be an idiot if I said it hadn’t been on my mind. Without the sex, our entire dynamic had changed. I’d robbed Alfie of his greatest weapon. No pun intended. “All I’ve got is my pretty face and a shit ton of emotional baggage. I can’t even make you laugh.”
“Try.”
“What?” He frowned.
“Try and make me laugh.” I challenged, his jaw tightened and I rolled my eyes. “See, that’s your problem right there. You don’t know how to relax, to just switch off and stop trying to be something all the time.”
I moved to sit on his desk to be closer to him and nudged him with my knee, keeping him from sinking too deep into serious thoughts.
“Alfie, you treat life like it's a game and everyone is playing against you. When we’re together, it’s like you always have this end goal, a place you want to get me to, and the whole time we’re with each other you’re manipulating me and everything else around us to get me to that place. I can’t relax when you’re around because I don’t know where you’re taking me or if I’m going to like it.”
He frowned at his hands, soaking in my words. “I don’t always mean to.”
“I know. It’s about control. It’s about you controlling where I go so that I don’t go away from you. I get it. But it doesn’t work.” In a rare move, I took his hand in mine, caressing his palm with my thumb. He seemed shocked by my touch. “Maybe work on just being in the moment, you know? Not thinking about driving it somewhere.”
“I’ll work on it.”
“What do you want in return?” I asked and he frowned. “Come on Alfie, you always want something in return.”
“You need to consider taking me back.” His answer came so quick I almost laughed. Alfie always knew what he wanted and had no issue asking for it, it was one of the things I admired most about him. “I mean, really consider it. I know you’re holding back, thinking these three months are just about healing and moving on. I need you to consider it, because if I don’t stand a chance then you need to just tell me now. It would be kinder.”
Now it was my turn to pause. I swallowed, my throat thick. I had no idea what to say except to do my best to be honest. “I like being with you, I like what I see of you now. But the damage you did…it feels insurmountable. I don’t know how we get past that.”
He nodded. I could see those cogs turning in his head, an expression that never failed to make me nervous.
“What are you thinking?” I asked and he stood, clearing his face of whatever thoughts were dwelling there. He stood over me, my knees suddenly either side of him. I swallowed at his close proximity but I didn’t flinch away.
“I’m thinking that when you’re back in my bed, you’re going to need to rent this costume again.”
I blinked, looking down at myself then back up at him. “Really? This?”
His mouth lifted in a half smile as his palms came to rest on my thighs and he stepped a little closer. “No, you’re right. A jumpsuit would never work. You need something with a skirt.”
I snorted and playfully batted him away. He let me, his eyes light with amusement. Just like that, with Alfie Tell smiling, the soulless room seemed that much brighter.
Twenty-Five
“This feels weird.” I looked out of the car window and up at the impressive structure looming over Alfie and I.
“Why?” he asked as he drove us into the private underground car park.
“It’s weird that I’ve never been to one of your hotels before.” I’d felt a bubble of excitement as soon as I saw the goldTell Hotelsign. I’d always been curious to visit one of Alfie’s hotels but I couldn’t help but wonder what we were doing here. “How come you never took me when we were together?”
“I don’t like visiting my father’s hotels. Particularly this one.” He pulled up, the engine shuddering into silence as he switched it off. “It was the first one he built.”
I nodded, reading between the lines. His father was in every inch of this place, it made sense Alfie didn’t like being here. “So, why bring me?”
