Page 80 of Never Tell Secrets
I sighed, frustration slipping through that I had to explain this. I hated explaining this, it made me feel stupid.
“Nothing with Alfie everseemedlike anything until I looked around and realised he’d torn my life apart and I’d fucked him as a thank you.”
“That’s fair, and your defensive feelings are justified but they aren’t sustainable if you want a healthy life. Over the next few weeks and months, you’re going to need to challenge them in order to move forward. Taking down your walls is going to feel pretty uncomfortable but if you don’t put in that work, you will never have a meaningful relationship with Alfie or anyone else.” She paused, letting her words sink in. Tension weighed heavy in my stomach, anxiety crawling over my skin and I had to fight to suppress the anger I felt towards Alfie for bringing me here.
“I know that seems overwhelming, which is why you’re going to take it slowly. Let's start now, with me, and we can end the session on this.” She put her notebook to one side and folded her hands in her lap, leaning back in her chair. “Do I come across to you as a person easily manipulated?”
“Definitely not.” I didn’t have to think twice about that one.
“Then perhaps you might consider why Alfie would hire me if he didn’t want to be held accountable. Why didn't he instead hire a more malleable person?”
I tensed at her question, annoyance percolating in my gut. Alfie’s grey gaze still fixed on me as I played tennis with his therapist.
“His desire to manipulate a therapist and his desire to manipulate me aren’t the same thing.”
“True,” she nodded, “but in that case, why bring you to me at all? Why not fire me and take you to another therapist who he could bend to his side?”
Her question made me pause. I hated to admit it, but she had a point. If Alfie wanted me manipulated, he wouldn’t have brought me to this woman who would call both of us out on our bullshit. Not only had he brought me here, but he’d gone along with her plans for us. He hadn’t accepted them gracefully, but he had accepted them. So…why? I sat in silence, chewing my lip.
“Lola, I’d like you to look at Alfie and then answer my question.” Her voice was soft and my fists clenched in my lap as I tensed myself against her attempt to break down my walls. I swallowed but did as she asked. “Why would he bring you to see me and not someone he could manipulate into helping him get what he wants?”
“Because he wants to change.” My voice was a hushed whisper but Alfie’s gaze steadied me, drawing me in heart first.
“And what did you say earlier was one of Alfie’s keenest qualities?”
“He’s ruthless when it comes to getting what he wants.”
“That’s right,” she said softly. I released a breath I hadn’t realised I was holding. “So,” she smiled at both of us as we broke our gaze to look at her, “same time next week?”
Twenty-Six
The private section of Alfie’s underground car park was nearly pitch black and as silent as a graveyard. If this were a horror movie, I’d be hearing eerie noises right about now. As it was, all I heard was the blood rushing in my ears. We sat in our own personal shell shock, processing all the hard truths Priya had spoken, all the promises we had just agreed to.
“Why do you have your therapy sessions in a place that reminds you so much of your father?” It wasn’t lost on me how easy it was to bring up Alfie’s father now. Two and a half years ago that subject had a massive‘No Entry’sign stuck right in front of it.
Alfie shrugged, clearly lost in his own thoughts. “Confronting my demons, I suppose.”
“Was that your idea or hers?”
He paused, brows knitted as he thought it over. “I’m honestly not sure. Maybe I thought of it, or maybe she planted it in my head. She’s very good at what she does.”
Yes, she was. In the space of an hour she’d turned our entire dynamic on its head. I turned my attention back out of the window, staring at nothing.
“Are you going to stick to the plan?” I asked into the darkness.
“Yes. I don’t like it but I trust her.” Some petty part of me bristled at the idea of Alfie trusting another woman, letting her in in a way he hadn’t with me. It was irrational but everything about my feelings towards Alfie were irrational. “Besides, I’m less worried about my plan and more worried about you following through with yours.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Lola, I’m not stupid.” He gazed out of the window, not meeting my eyes. “After everything I’ve done, why would you go out of your way to call me, to spend time with me? If I’m not driving this train, it’ll fall right off the tracks, and you know it.”
I didn’t know how to argue with that, I couldn’t deny there was some truth in his words. “I thought you said you trusted Priya.”
“I do.”
“Then maybe you should trust that she made this my goal for a reason.”
He huffed, shoulders tense as he continued scowling out of the window. “I don’t like it.”
