Page 81 of Never Tell Secrets
“Of course you don’t. You’re a control freak and now I’m the one holding the reins.”
He snorted, looking over at me for the first time. “Just try not to steer us off a cliff, okay?”
“You mean like you did?” I raised my brows at him and he gave me a sad smile in return.
“Right. Like I did.”
His fists clenched in his lap. He was wound tight as a coiled spring, I knew how hard this new dynamic was going to be for him, for both of us. Taking a deep breath, I let my fingers drift over to his. I threaded my hand into his, forcing it to relax. That small contact sent sparks shooting through my arm, making ithard to think. I fought the urge to snatch my hand away from that dangerous need.
“Why does this have to be so difficult?” I squeezed my eyes shut wishing that for once, things could feel easy between us. I felt Alfie shift in his seat, facing me, his thumb traced over the back of my hand. “At least we know this part of us works.”
“All of our parts work, Lo.Wework. Just some of our parts are broken, but we’ll fix them.” He sounded so sure of it, I wished I could be too. Fixing my broken parts scared the hell out of me, letting Alfie back in scared me more.
I squeezed his hand, holding onto it like a lifeline.
“Lo, talk to me. You look like you’re going to burst.” Gently, he took my chin, turning me to face him. I didn’t want to look at him. To gaze into those perfect eyes that would draw every hidden truth out of me. When I did finally look up, the searching, x-ray gaze wasn’t there, instead he looked gentle, patient.
“It frightens me how much you’ve changed. A part of me wishes you hadn’t, that I could still justify staying away from you but I can’t. Why can’t I stay away from you?” My voice shook. This last hour had made everything real, too real. My walls were weakening and the thought of the damage he could do if I let him in again had me fighting the urge to get out of the car and run as far from him as I could. I forced myself to stay in my seat, to ride this wave with him.
“It hurts all the time, Alfie. To be so close, to want you so badly but to be so scared of you at the same time. I don’t know how to make it stop, how to keep you out. You split me right down the middle and I hate you for it, I?—”
“Hush.” He reached up and cupped my face. I stared at him, the weight of that one word hitting me hard, stunning me into silence. “Just let it hurt, Lo.”
My heart swelled in my chest as he held me steady, anchoring me despite my chaos. I'd whispered those words to him once, when he'd been weathering a storm of my creation. Now, he was doing the same for me. Giving me a safe place to feel the pain he'd caused.
I gritted my teeth for a second before my lip trembled and a tear broke free, his thumb stroking it away. I was so fucking tired of being strong. I squeezed his hand, wanting to hold him and hurt him, like he was hurting me.
“What do you need me to do, baby?”
“I don’t know.”
“What did I say about those words?” he whispered and I let out a laugh, remembering how he’d banished them. What did I need? The answer was easy but it could cost me so much. I stared down at our joined hands, sighing. I nuzzled into his palm, letting myself be soothed by his touch.
“I just need you.”
“So take me. I’m yours, Lo.”
I flicked my gaze up to his, finding those steel greys intent on my face. “If I start, I won’t be able to stop. If I start, it promises you something that I can’t guarantee I can deliver.”
“If you can’t stop then I’ll do it for you. If you can’t give me promises then I won’t ask for them. Just take what you need from me.”
“That isn’t fair.”
“You’re my whole fucking world. Do you think I give a shit about fair?” He shifted, gripping the nape of my neck and sending a shiver down my spine. “What do you need?”
I looked at him, lost in his scent, those eyes I’d fallen into a thousand times before and just like that, I let myself fall again. I let my gaze drop to his mouth, my own watering at the memory of the things those lips could do.
Heat pooled in his eyes as he read my mind, he knew what I wanted. Tension hummed between us, filling the car with it.
I held my breath, my entire body freezing as his lips lowered to mine, a moment I’d dreamed of every night since we’d parted.
Alfie…
His lips found mine in the gentlest of kisses and something, some raging, broken beast inside me, settled. I was home.
His thumb swept over my cheek, brushing another tear away as he continued his sweet caress. I could feel the tremble in his body, it echoed in my own. My blood hummed with need, a need only he could sate. I pulled back, breathless. Our heated gazes met, the tension turning from sweetness, to something darker. The tension pulled tighter, tighter, taut, until finally…it snapped.
We moved in unison, attacking each other with unbridled force. All restraint gone, his lips crushed mine, his body looming over me, pressing me up against my door, sealing me in. I grabbed his lapels, holding him close. His tongue stroked mine, forcing more out of me.
