Page 84 of Never Tell Secrets
“Again, that's nothing new for you. What else?”
I sighed, annoyance creeping in. The same annoyance I'd felt when she’d picked my mind apart during our session. “Anger. I’m angry with him for doing this. For creating this whole situation. Angry at myself for letting him touch my body again.”
“Hmm. Well, that makes sense. How do you imagine Alfie is feeling right now?”
“The same.” It hurt to think of Alfie feeling as lost and lonely as I did right now.
“Angry with you or himself?”
“Me,” I answered.
“Why?” she asked and once again I had to pause to consider her question. I thought of how he’d looked at me tonight, a mixture of fear, disappointment and anger.
“For leading him on.”
“Ah, I wonder then if your anger is misplaced. Perhaps you’re less angry with yourself for giving in and more angry with yourself for acting in what could be perceived as a manipulative manner. You dipped your toes in Alfie’s dirty shoes tonight, that can’t have felt good.”
My immediate reaction was to slam the phone down. I was nothing like Alfie, I would never manipulate people the way he did. Not on purpose anyway. Despite my urge to pull away from her ugly truth, I forced myself to look at it, at what I’d done tonight. She was right. When faced with my walls being taken down, I’d distracted us with sex. I’d taken us back to old habits, not Alfie, me.
“I guess this is why Alfie pays you the big bucks, huh?”
“Something like that,” she chuckled. “Lola, speak to Alfie and make your intentions clear. Honesty and communication is paramount for the two of you.”
I felt the knot in my stomach begin to loosen. Already my head felt clearer, even if I didn’t like what was inside it right now. “Thank you, Priya. I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“Hey, that’s why Alfie pays me the big bucks.”
We hung up and before I could lose my nerve, I rang Alfie. He answered on the first ring.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out the words, his answer was a stunned silence.
“For kissing me or for running?”
“Both.”
Alfie sighed and I heard the creak of an office chair. I knew he’d be working. “Don’t apologise for the kiss, Lo. You can’tlearn to trust without test driving me first. I get it.” A test drive? That was an easier way to look at it.
“Thank you for stopping.”
“Of course. Thank you for calling me. I’ve been out of my mind.” He’d been out of his mind but he hadn’t called me. I knew how desperate he must have been to swoop in and regain control but he hadn’t, he’d fought it for me. For us. To move us forward and keep us away from the bad behaviours that had broken us before.
“This experiment of Priya’s is going really well, right?”
“For me? Yeah. It’s only been a few hours and already I’ve had you voluntarily kiss me and then voluntarily admit you fucked up. I should give Priya a raise, she might have us married by the end of the week.”
I snorted, a burst of laughter lightening my tired heart. “Are you developing a sense of humour, Mr Tell?”
“I bought one actually. It cost a fortune but I thought it was about time I joined the human race.”
I giggled again. “What’s gotten into you, Alfie?”
“I’m making you laugh, like you told me to do.”
My laughter faded and my chest swelled with a deep ache. Days ago, I’d challenged him in his office to make me laugh–had he been thinking about this all week?
Alfie…
“You should sleep, baby,” he said, changing the subject.
