Page 93 of Never Tell Secrets
“He didn’t hurt me,” she scoffed. “Not all of us let ourselves be an emotional punching bag for some man’s bullshit just because we can’t get our Daddy Issues straight.” She blinked, almost as if she couldn’t believe what had come out of her mouth. I stared at her, shocked. My cheeks flushed hot with humiliation, yet I couldn’t tell her she was wrong. I bit my lip, trying not to cry. She was drunk, she was angry and I deserved that anger, so I swallowed her words.
“I know I crossed a line, I was just scared. I’m sorry?—”
“Save it.” She turned to leave and I grabbed her arm.
“Keira, I?—”
She yanked her arm away, spinning to glare at me. “I don’t know how to deal with this right now, Lola. I need to get away from you before I say something else I regret.”
Alfie had said a similar thing only minutes ago and this time, I got it right and let her go. She stormed off, her bedroom door slamming shut a moment later.
I felt like everything was falling apart at my fingertips. I didn’t know what to do.
I stood in the middle of the darkened apartment. I shivered. Tonight had been a mistake. Why had I done it? Why hadn’t Itried to see Damien another time? Why had I gone down to the Onyx rooms at all?
Wiping away a stray tear, I grabbed the dustpan and brush from under the sink and cleared up the glass.
I felt the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’d screwed up royally and I didn’t know where to begin trying to undo it.
My hand went to my mum’s necklace. Suddenly, more than anything I wanted the safe familiarity of home. I headed to my room and grabbed my rucksack from under the bed. I threw some clothes and a toothbrush in there and headed straight for the front door. It was late but I might be able to catch the last train out of London. Already, I could feel my problems easing as I left them behind.
I stepped outside, locking my door, I spun only to come to a screeching halt. Alfie was sitting at the bottom of my steps, his arms resting on bent knees, head bowed as he stared at the pavement. He looked up, eyes landing on my rucksack.
“Still running, Lola?” With a shake of his head he turned back to scowling at the pavement.
Stomach churning, I walked down the steps, approaching him as if he were a wild animal. “Why did you come back?”
He was quiet for a moment, his profile lit up by the street lights, my shadow looming over him. “Because my ghosts are back and even when I’m furious with you, I still feel better sitting outside your apartment than I do anywhere else in the world.”
“That’s my fault? That your ghosts are back?”
“Priya says I have to be accountable for my own issues, regardless of what you do.” He stood, brushing himself off. “I apologise. If I’d known you would be coming back out I wouldn’t have stayed here.”
“Where’re you going?”
“I’m not supposed to see you without your permission. That’s what we agreed.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “A bit late for that, isn’t it?”
His jaw ticked, his grey eyes murky with emotion so dense I couldn’t see through it. “I acted rashly when I came to get you from the clubhouse. It won’t happen again.”
“Why did you come?”
His hands slid into my pockets as he avoided my gaze. “Tyler told me you were in the Onyx rooms.”
“Who’s Tyler?”
“Head of club security. The man you spoke to over the intercom.” The man who’d said Alfie was going to lose his shit. He hadn’t been wrong. He just hadn’t lost it in the way I was expecting. “He told me you’d been let in and all I could think was about what happened the last time an unauthorised person was let into the club.”
His brother. His brother had been the last unauthorised person to be let in. My stomach twisted as a whole new wave of guilt washed over me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think?—”
“You did though,” he cut me off, his eyes flicking to mine. “You thought about asking for my permission to go to the club and decided against it, right?”
I bit my lip, nodding.
“You thought about what a breach of confidence it was for me and Keira, and you did it anyway. Right?” I nodded again, wishing I could argue but knowing I couldn’t. “I can’t even be angry with you because I violated you first.”
“You aren’t the same person.”
