Page 48 of Bonds of Pain
That might be even more infuriating than him being subject to a direct order. “Why not?”
He winces, looking anywhere but at me. “The king will expect an heir from Logan as soon as possible. Now that you’re officially bonded, there will be pressure to...produce results.”
A bitter laugh escapes me. “Well, that’s not likely to happen, is it? Not with Logan anyway.”
He has the nerve to look confused. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t play dumb, Cillian. No matter how much we might enjoy living in delusion, I’m not Logan’s actual Omega. You are.” I tap my chest where the bond pulses like a coiled snake. “My body won’t accept fertilization from an Alpha who already has a mate. That’s basic biology.”
His face pales. “But?—“
“If Logan expects me to get pregnant, you and I getting the job done is the only way it’s going to happen.” I watch the realization dawn on his face. “Which means either you’re both planning to force me into that situation, or none of you have any fucking idea how Omega reproduction actually works.”
Cillian rubs his temples. “Fuck.”
“They really don’t teach you anything, do they?” The question is rhetorical, but I don’t miss the stricken look on his face. My sudden rage makes his reaction easy to ignore. “You coerce Omegas into spending our formative years learning everything there is to know about Alphas. How to serve them, how to please them, how to keep them from destroying the damn world just because they’re strong enough to do it. But they don’t teach them a single damn thing about us.”
A crystalline sheen fills his eyes, just this side of tears. “I’m sorry.”
With that, my anger leaks out of me like the air from a balloon. Cillian has been fucked by this entirely unfair system almost as badly as I have. Maybe even just as much, given that the bond that has been torturing me for days has been his reality for over a year.
It doesn’t mean I forgive him, but it’s easy to imagine how hard it must have been to lead a double-life while hiding a dynamic who obviously knows so little about.
I squeeze my eyes shut hard enough to make my head hurt before I can finally bear to look again at the stricken expressionon his face. “You don’t have to apologize. But I need to make sure you understand…as things stand, the only children I bear will have you as a father.”
Cillian simply stares at me, silence stretching between us for what feels like an eternity. I brace myself for disgust or outrage, but his expression holds something entirely different—a look of deep contemplation that makes my breath catch. His ice-blue eyes soften around the edges, and for a moment, I glimpse vulnerability beneath his carefully maintained facade.
“You think I’d find that repulsive?” he finally asks, voice barely above a whisper. “Having a child with you?”
The question hangs between us, charged with possibilities I hadn’t considered. My mind flashes to our previous encounters—how gentle his hands were even when Logan pushed for roughness, how his eyes sought mine for consent before each touch. The memory of his body against mine sends an unwelcome flutter through my abdomen.
“I just assumed...” I trail off, suddenly uncertain. “This isn’t exactly what either of us signed up for.”
Cillian runs a hand through his pale hair. “Nothing about this situation is what any of us signed up for.” He takes a step closer, close enough that I can feel the warmth radiating from him. “But if we’re stuck in this reality, having a child with you wouldn’t be the worst part of it.”
My heart hammers against my ribs. Is he actually considering this? The thought of carrying Cillian’s baby brings a confusing mix of emotions I’m not prepared to sort through.
But I would never bring an innocent child into this mess.
“I can’t give you the suppressants,” he says finally, breaking the tension. “Logan would know. He’d smell the difference on you pretty much immediately.”
I shiver at the thought of Logan sniffing at me like a bloodhound.
I cross my arms. “So, I’m just supposed to let nature take its course? Become a royal broodmare?”
“I didn’t say that.” Cillian glances at the door, lowering his voice. “I won’t tell Logan what we’ve discussed about pregnancy. He doesn’t need to know the biological reality, and I doubt he’ll figure it out on his own.”
The wave of relief and gratitude I feel is enough to make my knees go weak. Only the door at my back keeps me from falling to the floor.
Cillian reaches out a hand as if to help me before I push fully back to my feet.
If he touches me right now, the emotional tailspin might compel me into doing something I might regret. No matter how much he might be helping me, Cillian will never fully be on my side. In this emotional state, one touch of his skin might be enough to make me forget that.
“What happens when I don’t get pregnant after months of trying, especially if I have to go through another heat?” I ask, hoping he doesn’t notice my sudden emotional shift.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” His gaze is steady, determined. “In the meantime, Logan has more than enough going on to distract him.”
I consider pressing Cillian about their reaction to the doctor and the investigation. This alliance is new, fragile and inevitably temporary.
