Page 5 of Clawed
“HOW ARE YOU FEELINGnow?”
Milly lowered her voice, glancing around the bustling coffee shop, although Hannah doubted anyone was listening.
Few would be interested in the experiences of one neurotic woman with post-traumatic stress disorder.
“Much better.”Hannah feigned her upbeat timbre.“And the best part is, I haven’t seen either of my captors since that night in the club.”
“Don’t do that.”Shannon peered at Hannah from over her expensive coffee.
“Do what?”Hannah turned Shannon’s way.“I’m being honest.”
“And I’m glad,” Shannon retorted.“But don’t use that derisory tone about yourself.Han.You’ve been through so much, and you’re doing amazingly well.”
“You’re being kind.”Hannah shook her head with a smile.
There were no two ways about it.Both of her friends were angels.They’d been by her side day and night ever since her hallucination.Hell, Milly had even taken time away from her job to make sure Hannah wasn’t alone.
“We love you,” Milly reminded her.“And you’re being too hard on yourself.”
Hannah doubted that was true.She’d thought she’d been over the worst of the Lawes and Fuller experience, thought the court case and years of counseling would have laid their ghosts to rest, but she’d been wrong.The image of Lawes in that club had been as tangible as Milly was in the cafe.Hell, she’d even imagined bumping into him.If physical contact was possible in her invented landscape, what else could her mind conjure?She dreaded to think.
“My old shrink talked about this once.”Hannah glanced at the daily specials board.“It’s called psychological overspill, or something like that; when you’ve been through something so horrendous that the mind decompartmentalizes it, and it takes time for the remnants to surface.”
Hannah wasn’t sure if the condition she’d mentioned was real or something she’d just made up.Crippling self-doubt seemed to be a disconcerting, new reality for her.She didn’t seem able to trust anything she thought she saw or remembered anymore.
“That makes sense.”Shannon placed down her coffee cup.“You did go through something awful.”
“I know.”Hannah closed her eyes briefly, trying not to think of the dank basement where she and the others had been held.“It’s just...I thought I was over this by now.”
Over it?She might have laughed had her past not been so traumatic.There was nogetting overwhat those men had done to her.She would carry the scars for the rest of her life.
“You’re doing so well.”Milly smiled, then added.“But perhaps it’s too soon for you to be looking for a man, Hannah.I mean, there’s no rush.”
“I need this, girls.”Hannah’s voice sounded pained.“I need something more in my life than only work and the memories.”
“You have us.”Milly patted her hand.“You always will.”
“I know, and I’m so thankful for you both.”Hannah’s gaze traveled between them.“But I feel ready, you know?The hallucination in the club was just a setback.I still need to move forward.”
Milly and Shannon shared a lingering glance, although neither one of them spoke.
“Well.”It was Shannon who ultimately splintered the silence.“If you’re sure, then of course we’re happy to help.”She gestured to the dating app on Hannah’s phone.The device had been sitting there as the three discussed her state of mind.“Show us who you have in mind.”
Hannah’s heart rate accelerated as she reached for her phone and flicked into her ‘favorited’ selection.Only two men had made the cut.
“These two.”She slid the phone across the small table for her friends to see.
The first, Rafael, was originally from Spain and worked in real estate, but it was the second, Saul, who had really caught her eye.His photograph showed a smart and driven man with a mischievous glint in his eyes, and Hannah liked the sound of that.
Despite the many horrors Lawes and Fuller had put her through, there was something that had shaken Hannah to her core, something she could never tell anyone.
The things they did to me.
Heat bloomed on her face as she pushed the sordid recollections away.The dentists had been pitiless and inhumane, but she’d never been able to get past the way their treatment had made her feel—the way they’d made her body feel.Just as the debasement had left psychological wounds, her physical reaction to their authority still haunted her.She remembered the electrifying touches and how their caresses had brought her to life—whether she’d liked it or not.
I didn’t like it.She swallowed down her rising emotions as the words pinballed around her head.No one couldlikethe things they did.
No one sane could argue otherwise.The police had arrived, and they’d witnessed the scene for themselves—the cages and the chains.But deep down, Hannah was forced to acknowledge something else...something terrible.As well as the terror, there had also been the most incredible desire.
