Page 59 of Hunt for the Roses
“I never told you about my past relationship,” I simply state. I think Blake senses I am going to tell him something important, so he remains quiet. “I was with Kyle for four years. He was the love of my life.”
When I don’t continue on right away, Blake speaks. “What happened?”
I turn my head to look at Blake with a sympathetic expression. “He was in a car accident a little over a year ago.”
Blake holds my eyes as he places the pieces of the puzzle together in his mind, and then I see him visibly inhale. “Wow, I’m really sorry to hear that, Aria,” he breathes out.
I give Blake an appreciative smile. “It’s okay. I’m not bringing this up for you to feel sorry for me. I just wanted you to fully understand where I’m coming from and what my past is.”
“It means a lot that you’re letting me in,” Blake says.
I turn my head back to look into the distance. “You’re the first guy I’ve gone out with since. But I’d be lying if I said I feel one hundred percent emotionally available.” Then I turn to look at Blake again. “I just want to be honest with you.”
Blake shakes his head. “I wouldn’t rush you on anything. We can take this as slow as you need to take it.”
I smile at Blake’s consideration. “That means a lot.”
“Of course,” Blake says. I look out over the pier again and I can sense Blake shifting on his feet, probably carefully contemplating his next question. “Are you still in love with him?”
The million-dollar question.
As easy as it would be to say I am, this question is a lot more complicated than it appears to be. When you lose someone you love, a part of your heart dies, and being in love with someone is a present tense action. You experience it in real timewithyour heart.
“I still love Kyle just as much as I did when he was alive,” I admit. “But beingin lovewith someone is a feeling you live through. It’s life-altering and riveting, and no amount of memories can replace that feeling. Sadly, they’ll never compare to the real thing.”
Silence hangs in the breeze between us. “I’m really sorry,” Blake says.
I decide to go on one of my rants to alleviate the awkward direction this conversation can go. “Time is an extraordinary concept. As much as you despise it in the beginning of your mourning and view it as the enemy, you wind up being so grateful for it later on and it becomes your best friend. Time heals you. Maybe not entirely, but it stitches some of the bigger wounds back up, making it tolerable to live your life again. Ihatedthe concept of time when Kyle died.”
“You’re a warrior,” Blake says.
I tip my lips up at the corner, still looking out at the beach. “I’m human. But I’d like to think I can fight more battles than I could a year ago.”
I feel Blake’s palm rest on my shoulder. “That’s a sure thing.” I turn to look at Blake with a small smile before he speaks again. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”
I choose to make a joke to lighten the mood and take the attention off me. “I promise to keep our next date cheery and bubbly. I owe you.”
Blake smiles. “No worries at all.”
I let out a small laugh before responding. “You’ll find I’m not great with dealing with sympathy or attention. I can either go on long rants or make silly jokes.”
“That’s admirable. I don’t see myself getting offended by that.”
I smile wider. “Good. Because I was about to demand we go get some doughnuts from all the sappy talk.”
Blake squints his eyes as he purses his lips and looks off to the side. “I think you’re just using our conversation as a persuasive device,” he teases.
“Is it working?” I ask with a smirk.
Blake looks back at me. “That depends. How good are these doughnuts?”
I hold out a hand and my face gets serious. “They’rethe best. And I’m like a doughnut guru. Trust me on this.”
He laughs, then gestures his head to say, “Let’s go.”
We walk away from the wooden railing and make our way toward Disco Doughnuts. As we’re walking, I start to think that maybe I’m not giving Blake a fair shot, and that maybe I need to take a leap and start tomakethings happen.
“Blake?” I ask as we walk side-by-side.
