Page 64 of Hunt for the Roses
I see Dane’s jaw clench, and he holds my eyes for a few moments before he turns his head away from mine. He hangs his head down as he stares at his hands hanging between his bent knees and licks his lips. I hug my arms tightly around my chest, trying to mask my discomfort and act as casual as possible. Like what I said didn’t phase me at all or didn’t prick my heart just the same as it pierced his.
“Okay,” Dane says, and then swings his legs around so he can hop off the hood of his car.
“Dane-”
Dane’s eyes meet mine, and he automatically interrupts me. “I’m a man of my word, so I’m taking you home.” Dane gestures to the passenger side of his Mustang. “But it would help if you satinthe car.”
I’m stunned as I hold Dane’s stare for a few moments. It’s hard to ignore the sudden change in Dane’s face and body language, and the distance he’s creating between us makes me want to scream.
Maybe even cry.
I feel helpless. Like my hands are bound behind my back. The words that I spoke tonight didn’t come from my heart, but instead, the moral part of my brain. I almost feel robotic, like I have no control over my feelings anymore, and my true emotions have become prisoners in my own body.
Acknowledging I’ve probably spent way too much time dissecting our tiff, I slide off the hood of his car. I don’t dare look Dane’s way as I hop right in the passenger side of his Mustang, fearful that looking at him will cause me to say something I probably shouldn’t. And once Dane gets in the car and starts driving, we never look or speak to each other once the whole ride back.
I lay restless in bed that night as I drape one arm over my head, and stare at the ceiling, allowing my thoughts to wash over me. I’ve never experienced something like kissing Aria on the hood of my car tonight. I didn’t have to be naked with Aria to feel it, and I didn’t need to touch her in a sexual way either. The simple act of holding her in my arms, caressing her face, and kissing her lips, made my heart stumble a beat or two. Like it was unsure how to respond to this newfound feeling inside of me.
I feltconnectedto Aria. Knowing the person she is, all I wanted to do wasshowher how much I admired her soul. I wipe both hands down my face as my thoughts start to make my emotions unravel. My relationship with Aria was always so natural and effortless. She never felt like a responsibility to me. She never felt like a burden. I’m fascinated by the person she is, and who she wants to become. Iwantto bring her happiness. Iwantto be the person to put that infectious smile on her face and make her laugh every single day of her life. Iwantto be the one who restores her faith in life and reminds her of her purpose in it.
Because that’s what she deserves.
I want to be hers. I want her to be mine. But even if Aria felt the same, there is one detail that crushes any hope of mine.
I can never have her.
And that’s just it.
That’s where our story ends.
* * *
Aria
I lay on my side in bed as I stare out the window at the nighttime sky. How is it possible for a moment to feel so morally wrong and so incredibly perfect at the same time? It’s like my heart and head are at war.
My heart wants Dane.
Dane energizes my mind and body just the same. Dane is as loyal as they come, always putting me first and making sure I’m taken care of. I feel safe with him. Protected. And if he disappointed me with his kiss, I could convince myself that my feelings for Dane stem from the comfort I feel with him as a friend.
But his kiss wasintoxicating.
Like a syringe that injected a drug into my veins, slowly awakening me from a coma where feelings of passion and pleasure were frozen in time. I didn’t even have to strip my clothes off, but he handled my body with such a seasoned expertise that it thrilled me to my very core. Made me yearn for more.
And I want more.
So much more.
I start to think about how soft his lips felt, and wonder how they would feel against my breasts, and how his tongue would feel working my sex. I bite my lip at the thought of his fingers sliding inside of me, the same fingers that caressed the side of my face.
But these thoughts are the extent of what this can be, because my head is the victor of this war.
How did I manage to develop feelings for the one person I shouldn't fall for?
What would our friends think?
What would my family think?
What would Kyle think of me?
