Page 75 of Hunt for the Roses
Ronnie nods in understanding and puts his hand out to me again. “Alright, well I better go. It was great catching up with you. I’m sure we’ll see each other soon.”
“Definitely,” I say.
I can only stare at Ronnie retreating into his car and driving off as I try to sort through the pile of emotions that crash into me. When Ronnie’s car is completely out of sight, I find myself walking up to Aria’s front porch and knocking.
* * *
Aria
Shit.
I really didn’t want to do this now. I wait several seconds, part of me stupidly thinking that Dane will leave if I don’t respond right away. But he knocks a second time, and I’m forced to take a deep breath before walking toward my front door and opening it.
When I open the door, Dane’s wearing a black tank top and black basketball shorts, with a backwards snapback, seemingly home from a workout at the gym.
I swallow a nervous lump. “Hi,” I say. Memories of our heated encounter last night flood into my mind as I look over the contours of his biceps that highlight his lean muscular build, and my skin starts to feel warm.
He hikes a thumb over his shoulder. “Just caught your brother.”
I exhale a shaky laugh. “Yeah, Mom wouldn’t let up on him dropping off some supplies to me. You know how it goes.”
Dane leans a palm on the door frame. “Maybe I could assist in some way?”
“No, it’s putting together centerpieces for my dad’s restaurant. I couldn’t bore you like that,” I joke.
Dane pulls his palm away from the door frame and leans his shoulder on it while he shoves both hands in his pockets and crosses one foot in front of the other. “Well, judging by last night, I don’t think you could ever bore me.”
I guess I didn’t expect Dane to mention last night in such a casual, nonchalant way, because as soon as his admission makes my stomach flutter, it makes my stomach turn upside down. I run a hand through my hair as I avert my gaze from his, stretching my lips into a shy smile.
“We’re allowed to talk about this,” Dane says.
His defensive tone activates my own defense mode, and I turn my head back to him. “Well, maybe I don’t want to talk about this on my front porch where anyone can eavesdrop.”
“Then where do you suggest we have this conversation? You’re not exactly inviting me inside your house at the moment,” Dane responds. Dane’s observation makes me realize I didn’t welcome him inside, almost like Dane is a stranger, and I’m treating him in a way he doesn’t deserve to be treated because of my own uncertainties.
Shame rocks through me, and I know I’m going to have to face our situation head on at some point. Maybe I don’t have to this second, but I know I’m running out of time. I convince myself that the least I can do is know exactly what I want to say and have answers for him when we do have this conversation.
“Dane, can we talk later?” I say just above a whisper, pleading with him with my eyes.
Dane looks at me for several seconds before nodding once. “Sure,” is all he says.
He peels his shoulder off the door frame and turns around to walk down the porch steps. I stare at his back until he’s out of view, and then I hear his front door close. I’m left staring out into the street, wondering if my head will be any clearer tonight than it is right now.
Unfortunately, I have a grave suspicion that it won’t.
* * *
I perch my forearms on the wooden railing of the pier. “I don’t know what’s happening, Kyle,” I whisper to myself. “But I haven’t forgotten about you or the love we shared. I promise.” A lone tear sneaks out, but I wipe it away as quickly as it slides down my cheek.
It’s been so long since I’ve physically cried that I feel like I’m regressing from all the great leaps I’ve made this last year when I feel that stray teardrop. The harsh reality is, I can’t help but feel lost in a labyrinth of emotions, struggling to find my way out and my due North.
I lick my lips as I hug my beige cardigan sweater across my body. Tears continue to build behind my eyes, and all I can do is look up to the stars. Try to find a sign that tells me what to do in this situation. My heart and brain are wrestling to have the last say, and I wonder if there will ever be a true victor of this match. The question is so simple, but the answer is so complicated.
Do I want to be with Dane?
My feelings for Dane come at a price. An expense that might be too great for me to pay back the debt, and I exhale as I lean my elbows on the wooden ledge and run my hands through my hair.
My body jerks when I feel my phone vibrate in the back pocket of my high-rise denim shorts, and when I pull it out, I notice I have a text from Kate.
