Page 21 of Hunt for the Roses
Ronnie shakes his head and holds out a hand. “Trust me, just her knowing you’re a shoulder she can lean on, that’s all she needs.” Ronnie places his beer on the island, and he’s leaning with two palms. “Look, the only reason I’m asking you is because you live right next door, and it’s easier for you to check in on her. I’m not saying this has to be every day, but maybe a few times a week, knock on her door to see what she’s up to and make sure she’s alright. That’s all I’m asking. She’s been living with my parents for the past year, and having people around her and knowing someone is there for her, it’s really helped. I don’t want to see her regress, because she’s made so much progress up until this point. And now that Aria’s coming back to live in her former house, she’s going to need new support.”
I nod more certainly this time because I can understand his concerns as an older brother, and I can understand why he’s asking me to do this. “Hey, I once told you that anything you need, I’m here. That hasn’t changed.”
“I really appreciate this, Dane,” Ronnie says thankfully.
“You got it,” I say. I take another sip of my water as I ponder what I just agreed to. I mostly feel anxious because I haven’t seen Aria in six months, and it’s been a whole year since Kyle passed away. Yeah, I’ve texted Aria to check in, but I always knew she had her family as a backbone and support system. It almost feels like I would be taking on their duties, and I wasn’t entirely sure if I wanted this baton to be passed to me.
Can I even handle this responsibility properly?
Time will tell I suppose.
Sunday, June 5, 2022
I step into my old home, and the gloomy fog has lifted a little from the first time I came back here. Occasionally, my mom and I have come here to redecorate to bring life back into this house, and it seems like our work paid off in a tiny way.
Small victories count a lot these days.
I drop my keys on the table in the foyer, and look to my left at the living area where the gray sectional sits on the beige carpet, facing the SMART TV that’s mounted to the wall. I walk further down the hallway to enter the kitchen, and lean my palms on the island. I try to control my emotions by firmly gripping the edges of the countertop and inhale deep breaths when I start to feel overwhelmed.My boxes of clothes and toiletries are in the car, but I just needed this moment to step inside this house by myself. My parents and Ronnie begged to come with me, but I refused the offer. Therapy has encouraged me to continue facing realities head on and confronting them on my own sometimes, so I am choosing to do just that.
I eventually walk upstairs to the bedroom and am extremely grateful we’ve replaced the sheets and comforter on the bed. I turn to go into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror, recognizing how far I’ve come. My long, dark hair is styled down in loose beach waves, I have a touch of makeup on, and I am wearing a white fitted tank top tucked into a pair of high-rise denim shorts. Keeping my eyes on my reflection, I delicately rest my fingertips over my chest as if to comfort the fragmented pieces of my heart. Although I’ve made strides these past six months, my heart is still healing, and sometimes the smallest trigger sets off the blaring sound of the rattling pieces again.
Fortunately my time in therapy has helped lower the volume of the noise, and some days I feel like the broken pieces of my heart aren’t necessarily hundreds of tiny flakes anymore, but rather fewer larger sections. I may have given up hope that my heart will completely mend, but I have faith that it can improve. That it can feel better than it did before.
As I run my fingers slightly through my hair, I hear a knock at my door that snaps me out of my thoughts. I furrow my brows as I make my way downstairs, and when I peek through the beveled glass to see who it is, I notice Dane on my front porch. I haven’t seen him in six months, but he still looks the same. Tousled dark hair smoothed back under a backwards black snapback, and he’s wearing a gray crewneck t-shirt with a pair of black gym shorts.
I inhale before reaching for the door handle, and open it with a smile. “Hi.”
He has his hands in the pockets of his shorts as he greets me. “Hey, so you’re back,” Dane says with a smile.
I nod as I look around my house. “Yep.”
Dane hikes a thumb over his shoulder to point to my car. “Can I help you move some of your things inside?”
I immediately respond. “No, don’t be silly. It’s just a few boxes.”
“And I insist. Keys?” Dane responds as he holds out his hand.
I throw him a tight-lipped smile, knowing Dane won’t take no for an answer, and turn to get my keys off the foyer table. Dane and I head to my car to take out the several boxes in my backseat, and we walk them back to the house. Once we drop off the boxes on the living room carpet, Dane stands up straight and rubs the back of his neck as he speaks. “I know a thing or two about appliances and household maintenance, so if there is ever something you need fixed, I’d be happy to take a look anytime.”
I decide to make a joke. “Don’t tempt me, you might regret that offer,” I say with a smirk.
“Luckily I’m right next door, so it’s not a huge inconvenience.” Then he narrows his eyes as he plays along. “Unless you’re planning on micromanaging me?”
I shake my head with a smile. “I won’t, I promise.”
He smiles back. “Alright, then.”
I chuckle as I start bending to take clothes out of the boxes we just placed on the floor, but there are a few beats of awkward silence between Dane and I, so I fall back on basic conversation. “How are Kate and Trent? I haven’t seen them in a couple of months.”
Dane bends to help me pick out clothes from the box I just opened. “They’re good. I’m actually planning on seeing them this Friday if you’d like to join?”
I stand up straight to look at Dane and nod in agreement. “Yeah, that sounds fun.”
Dane gives me a surprised look like he didn’t expect my answer, but then smiles wide once he realizes I’m being serious. “Great. I’ll let them know.”
I nod once to confirm plans. “Great.”
Dane bends to lift the rest of the clothes out of the open box, and when he stands up, he has his hands resting on his hips as he looks at me. “I’m glad you’re back. It’s been pretty lonely around here.”
