Page 49 of Hunt for the Roses
“I’m sorry. That was out of line,” Dane says with his eyes still diverted from mine.
I shake my head as I let out a nervous laugh. “No, don’t worry about it.”
I decide not to make a bigger deal of the situation, so we can just move past this moment as quickly as possible. When Dane turns his head back to me, I tilt my head toward the car as I change the subject. “We should head home,” I suggest.
Dane inhales tensely. “Yeah. Let’s go.”
Dane closes the car door after I hop in his Mustang, and then he gets in on the driver’s side. The first few minutes of the drive home are a little awkward and slow, but once Dane turns on some music, the discomfort dissolves, and we fall back into easy conversation like we always do.
I’m not entirely sure what happened outside on the sidewalk, but whatever it was, I’m hoping we can just forget it ever happened. Because the more I think about Dane’s comment, the more aware I become of a mysterious shell inside of me.
A shell that harbors new emotions that are threatening to spill out.
A shell that should remain unbroken.
Friday, July 8, 2022
My phone is buzzing as I’m getting ready to go to Shippers with Kate, Trent, and Dane tonight. It’s my mom of course. She’s probably just checking in on me like she normally does.
“Hey, Mom,” I answer. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s great, just wanted to check in,” my mom replies.
“I’m actually going out with Kate and the boys to Shippers tonight,” I say.
“Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun. I was a little late to the party, but I saw pictures from Fourth of July posted on Facebook. Seems like everyone had a great time.”
I pause thinking of how obliterated I was by the end of that night, but choose to omit that information. “Yeah, it was much needed fun. I met a guy.”
“You did? Tell me about him,” my mom says.
I shrug. “I don’t know. It’s not much of anything, so there’s no need to make a big deal of it. But he’s great to talk to, makes me laugh, and he’s also very cute.”
It feels strange to talk about another guy besides Kyle, and what’s making me more anxiety-ridden is the inevitable judgment that will be passed by me.
“I’m assuming you’re going to keep seeing him?” my mom asks.
I nod with the phone to my ear. “Tomorrow night, actually. He texted me a few days ago and asked me out.”
“So how are you feeling? Do you feel ready?”
I fall silent for a few moments before responding. “I don’t think I’m ever going to be completely ready to take the first dive back into romance, but my therapist also reminded me that going on dates can be about companionship more so than it is about romance.”
“I think it could be great. Finding friendship with someone new, someone who doesn’t relate to your past, and can give you a third-party perspective.”
I nod again. “Yeah, exactly. It’s worth a try, right?”
“You deserve to be happy. If you feel like this is something that will make you happier, then I’m your biggest supporter. You know that,” my mom says.
“That means a lot, Mom.”
“Well, alright, I’ll let you get back to getting ready. Maybe we can set up a brunch date soon?”
“Sounds great. I’ll ask Kate for suggestions since she always knows the best places.”
“Yes, I’d love to try something new! Okay, I won’t keep you. Love you.”
“Love you too,” I say and hang up.
