Page 101 of Dove
“And I’ve been working on a filthy combine,” he countered, pulling back to look down at me. “So do I.”
“Me first,” I blurted automatically, habit from all the years we’d shared a bathroom. Embarrassment heated my cheeks as he stared down at me, his dark eyes intense. I swallowed, attempting to ease the dryness of my throat as he leaned his forehead against mine.
“We don’t have to take turns,” he suggested huskily, nudging his nose with mine. The movement caused his breath to ghost across my lips, and I had to physically stop myself from rocking up to kiss him.
The image of Josh in the shower, completely naked and soaped up had me biting my lip to stop a moan from slipping out. I hadn’t thought ofthat, but I should have. Although, something about showering together felt ten times more intimate than me going down on my knees for him.
My hesitation must have bled onto my face because he slipped his hands into my back pockets to tug me closer. At the movement I slid my free hand around his waist and rested my cheek against his pec.
“Just an idea, Dove,” he reassured, the timbre of his deep voice vibrating under my ear. “You can always have first shower.” He placed a kiss to the top of my head. “You know that.”
It was true. I’d always called dibs on first shower, and Josh had never challenged it. He’d just shake his head good-naturedly like he’d missed his opportunity, but he never fought me on it. Not once. A warmth rose up in me at the memory, of all the times he’d done those little things for me I’d taken for granted. They were just small pieces that made up the bigger picture of why I’d missed him so much.
Josh had always put me first. Even when he left, I now realized.
Even now.
I could put him first for once, too.
“No.” I shook my head, my cheek brushing along his soft T-shirt. I allowed myself a small, subtle inhale. He smelled faintly of sweat, sawdust, and gasoline, with that signature smell of his lingering underneath. “Best to conserve on water in these times.”
“These times” being the rainiest season we’d had to date, but Josh didn’t contradict me.
He only squeezed me tighter and drawled, “My little environmentalist.”
The nerves that had plagued me all day thrummed into life full force as he held the door open for me as we made our way inside. I forced my hand to stop trembling as I chucked my empty beer bottle into the recycling bin in the kitchen before following Josh up the stairs, my heartbeat skipping with each step. I forced my breathing to remain steady as Josh opened the bathroom door and flicked on the light. I forced myself not to panic as he took out towels from the linen closet and placed them on the counter.
“Dove, hey,” came Josh’s pacifying voice, breaking my concentration tonot panic. Turning to him automatically, my wide, anxious eyes met his before I could force myself to look some semblance of calm and collected, which caused his face to twist with an expression of concern. “We don’t have to shower together if you don’t want?—”
“I do!” I interrupted, a little too loud. I winced, lowering my voice as I admitted, “I just don’t want to disappoint you.”
His eyebrows drew together. “Disappoint me?”
“I know it’s stupid.” I kept my gaze glued to the floor, stomach roiling with nerves. I didn’t know how to explain it. That damn butterfly that lived in my stomach was threatening to fly up my throat, and my heart was pounding so hard I feared it would escape my chest and fall right at Josh’s feet. An overreaction for sure, but I’d never done anything like thisbefore. Never exposed myself to this degree, especially with someone who looked likeJosh. He was chiseled like a Greek god statue, and I’d seen who he was interested in. Our body types couldn’t be more different.
“I don’t think it’s stupid.” He stepped closer, nudging my chin up with a finger until I was looking at him. “I just don’t think it’s warranted. Why do you think I’ll be disappointed? I want to know.”
I shook my head, muttering, “It’s nothing. Forget I said anything.”
“It’s not nothing if it’s brothering you.” He leaned over to turn the tap on the shower, and the water sprung to life. “We have a few minutes until the water gets hot. I’m all ears.”
The words caught in my throat. His thumb stroking along my jaw wasn’t helping.
I turned away from him, fiddling with the button on my shorts, contemplating.
Did I admit that even though I’d been halfway naked, sprawled on Josh’s truck, I still felt self-conscious about my body?
“I don’t look like Stella.” I began unbuttoning my shorts, then stopped. What else was there to say? That was pretty much the gist of it. Anything else had the potential to sound jealous.
I probably don’t look like any of the other girls you dated while gone, either.
I’d come to accept my body a long time ago, but for someone reason, I couldn’t help but compare myself to them. To wonder if Josh was disappointed I was softer, curvier,biggerthan Stella and the other girls that use to try and catch his eye back in high school. I likely looked nothing like the mysterious women he undoubtedly dated the years he was gone.
Warmth spread along my back as Josh crowded me, his large hands gripping my waist and walking me forward until I waspinned to the sink by his hips. When I looked up, his eyes fiercely met mine through the mirror.
“No, you don’t.”
The truth of his words was like an ice pick straight to my heart.Ouch.
