Page 128 of Dove
He stepped closer. “Just let me hold your hand, baby.” The hint of a plea bled into his lowered voice. “Let us have this, even if it’s only for a few minutes. No one can see between the cars.”
My mind had twenty different ways outlined on why that was a bad idea, but my heart was incapable of denying thisman anything. Because the thing was, I didn’twantto say no. There was nothing more I wanted to do than hold Josh’s hand—to cradle his larger palm in mine as we walked booth to booth. To rub my thumb against his knuckles as we greeted people, making it obvious he wasmyman.
If we couldn’t do that, we could at least have this, right? Even if it was momentary, like he suggested.
I squeezed his hand, and he took it as the permission I’d meant it to be. The side of his mouth ticked upwards, that familiar glint growing in his eyes, and somehow, I just knew that if we’d been at home he would have leaned forward and kissed me.
“Let’s go.” This time when he tugged me along, I followed easily, allowing him to weave us between the parked cars, his hand a warm weight in mine.
My eyes flickered into every window we passed, worried, heart in my throat, that we’d encounter someone we knew. But as each car we passed remained empty, I allowed myself to relax and just enjoy this moment.
Letting myself be a woman holding the hand of a man she likes.
“I’m going to win you the biggest teddy bear they got,” Josh promised, dodging the side mirror of a spotless BMW.
I giggled, actuallygiggled. God, who was I?
“I don’t need a giant teddy bear,” I argued, my side brushing his as we squeezed between two cars parked too close together. When the space widened out, I mourned the loss of contact, wishing he’d drape his arm over my shoulders and pull me in tight, just so I’d have an excuse to press myself against him again.
“That’s what you do when you take your girl to the fair. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”
My blood was replaced by sugary sweet tea at his words.His girl. That was the second time he said it today, and each time my heart sang.
I attempted to keep the dopey grin off my face. “Yeah?” I asked, feeling giddy and lightheaded andhappy. “Who does?”
“You know what,” he replied after a contemplative beat, “I don’t actually know. But—” he hand-waved my question away with his free hand. “It’s just what good boyfriends do.”
If he didn’t stop, I’d have a permanent smile on my face that could rival the Joker’s and then there’d be absolutely no fooling anyone. Not when the hearts in my eyes for Josh grew with each endearing word out of his mouth.
Coyly, I glanced under my lashes at him and asked, “And what do good girlfriends do—ah!”A panicked yelp left me as my center of gravity shifted, my sandal teetering on a divot of uneven ground, pitching me sideways.
Josh’s hand tightened around mine, jerking me towards him, his other hand reaching out to break my fall. Somehow, I ended up cradled in his arms, looking up at him, adrenaline pumping through my veins at the close call.
“Good girlfriends,” he murmured, eyebrows pinched together and voice tight with worry, “don’t give their boyfriends a heart attack by almost breaking their necks.”
“Good boyfriends make sure that doesn’t happen.” My reply was breathy, and somewhat shaky; possibly from the near-tumble I was still reeling from, but more likely from his eyes, which were such a deep golden brown in the sunlight, they mesmerized me.
“God, Dove, I want to kiss you so badly right now,” he confessed heavily, as if he was sitting on the other side of a partition, and I was the priest who’d absolve him of that tempestuous sin.
“Me too,” I whispered, waiting with bated breath for his lips to touch mine.
But instead of kiss me, which I burned for him to do, he righted me gently, fixing my dress so it lay properly, all the while keeping the hands we’d been holding linked together. He guided us through the sea of cars as if nothing had happened, but my mind remained back in that moment. What I wouldn’t have given for him to kiss me, right there in public…
Was hiding our relationship really the right thing to do?
For all I’d talked about not caring what anyone thought, now that the reality of the situation was here, I worried.
I caught a glimpse of his handsome face and wondered what he was thinking. Would he have hesitated if I’d allowed him to kiss me? Or would he have pressed his lips to mine, damn the consequences, if I’d given him permission?
Conflicting questions swirled in my mind, only causing more to pop up in their place, answers eluding me.
Was I the only reason Josh held back? Or was it something else? Maybe… maybe he had no plans to stay after this summer was over and didn’t want to leave me with a big mess once he was gone.
That thought churned sourly in my stomach, causing the uncertainty that had ebbed over these past few weeks to flare back to life, taking up residence as an aching pressure behind my breastbone.
Was revealing we were together worth it if Josh didn’t remain in Haven? Was it worth becoming fodder for a small-minded town’s harsh judgements if this relationship didn’t last? I wanted nothing more than us to be infinite, but Josh still hadn’t convinced me otherwise. Somewhere in the back of my mind a clock was counting down, a steadytick, tick, tickthat reminded me that Josh hadn’t promised me anything, much less forever.
While I might yearn for his kiss, forhim, the last thing I wanted was to beleft burned, the charred shell of who I once was. Because if Josh decided to leave, if he decided I wasn’t enough to keep him in Haven, I wouldn’t survive it. Not after I’d gotten a taste of what it was like to have him.
