Page 172 of Dove
Maybe, but I wasn’t convinced. Still, I attempted to shape the expression on my face into something hopeful.
I needed to hearhimsay it, to tell me this wasn’t real.
A part of me, the same part that was getting used to bad things happening, suspected I wasn’t going to get the answer I so desperately wanted, and needed, to hear.
Hearing Stella say it was bad enough. Hearing it from Josh’s lips, though?
That was going to wreck me.
37
JOSH
Air punched out of me in a low groan as I all but collapsed beside Eddie on the porch swing. It let out its own groan of protest at holding the weight of two grown men, but I’d oiled it’s hinges and checked the chains a few weeks ago, so I was pretty confident it would hold.
Relaxing back, every muscle in my body protested from the relentless work I’d put in this past week. I wish I could say I’d worked up a sweat since Dove left and Eddie arrived to take her place, but we hadn’t gotten much done, admittedly. The hay we’d gone to collect with the tractor was currently sitting inside the entrance to the barn, waiting to be unloaded.
The second I'd had the tractor parked, I’d turned the key in the ignition to quiet the engine. We’d both jumped down, boots landing with twin thuds against the driveway, kicking up clouds of dust. Eddie had taken one look at me and declared we deserved a “beer break” before continuing.
So, here we were, both sporting a bottle of whatever I could find from the back of the fridge, sitting on our asses when I knew damn well there was work to do.
Dove would be having a fit if she was here.
I lifted the bottle to my lips, smiling around the rim.
Let’s be honest, my asswouldn’tbe sitting and enjoying a beer if she were here. But if she were, she’d definitely have something to say about our little break. Especially since I’d promised her we’d get most of what we had left to do done today.
“What’re you smiling about over there?”
My head swiveled to look at my best friend.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
He snorted, bottle dangling in his hand. “I can hazard a guess.”
My eyebrow shot up, intrigued. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah.” His chin dipped before taking a sip of his beer. “Dove.”
I cleared my throat, uncomfortable. I’d been wanting to broach the topic of us being together with him. Maybe this was the perfect opportunity.
I’d never told him about my crush on Dove. I’d never mentioned the real reason I’d left, either. Like everyone else, he wagered it was due to my strained relationship with my father.
He wasn’t entirely wrong. Just missing some of the finer details onwhy.
The reason I’d never told my best friend had absolutely nothing to do with him. I trusted that man with my lifeandmy secrets, but anytime I’d tried to mention it, I couldn’t get the words out. They got wedged in my throat, refusing to come out.
Deep down a fear festered of him being so disgusted that he’d end our friendship if I confessed how I felt for Dove. Even if I knew Eddie didn’t have a mean bone in his body, and he was the most forgiving person on the planet. Couldn’t hold a grudge to save his life. In all the years I’d known him, I never once heard him shout. He was loud, sure, but in a jovial, enthusiastic way. I’d never heard him raise his voice to anyone, and I’d never seen him truly angry.
So, despite the unfounded fear, I kept it to myself, because it wasmeand my own shame that had kept me from confiding in him. I knew, to some degree, that I should love Dove far more platonically than I did, but it had never stopped me from yearning for her. At first it may have been a protective, brotherly love, but somewhere along the way, it shifted—so slow I was damned to stop it—until it warped into something I’d been too ashamed to admit to myself, let alone anyone else. Especially after Gareth had all but disowned me just from seeing meconsiderkissing her.
My bottom lip skimmed the cool glass of the bottle as I worked up the courage to tell my best friend I was in love with my stepsister.
“I can practically hear the cogs grinding up there,” Eddie joked. “You don’t have to make it a big thing, J.”
The rim of the bottle skimmed my bottom lip as I paused the sip I’d been about to take to ask, “Make what a big thing?"
“That fact you’re in love with Dove,” he answered simply. Easily.
