Page 44 of Dove
But if I wanted to ask him my own invasive questions, although I’d yet to think of anything beyond the one, I suppose I should answer his.
“Losing someone I love,” my admission came as a whisper. I kept my gaze on the beautiful sky, and not on Josh, hoping it would give me the strength to continue.
“I know I already lost someone.” My throat worked as I swallowed, that damn lump making itself known in my throat again. “But sometimes I have nightmares of that day, only it’s not my dad. It’s my mom.”Or you.“I’m afraid I’ll lose everyone I love. That it’s only a matter of time until I’m alone.”
Tears welled in my eyes, but I held them back, staring up at the blurry night sky as I breathed evenly. When I’d managed to keep them from falling, I risked a glance over at Josh.
His eyes shone back, determined and sincere. “I won’t leave you,” he whispered to me, sounding so confident it made my heart skip a beat.
You don’t know that. There was no way Josh could promise me something like that, but still I asked, “You promise?”
Maybe a part of me needed to hear it, even if I knew they were nothing but words.
“I promise.”
I smiled at him, and when he smiled back it was like all the air had gone from the world.
Finally, I had an answer to ask back that didn’t feel too intrusive. I knew his answer couldn’t have been as morbid as mine was.
“What’s yours?” I asked to distract myself from his handsome grin, hoping to give my heart a reprieve from where it kept fluttering wildly. “And I swear, if you say spiders…”
He barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Bugs are definitelynotsomething I’m scared of.”
I rolled my eyes and made a ‘go on’ gesture with my hand. “Quit stalling.”
He shifted, turning on his side to face me. We were so close now I could feel the warmth he radiated. I kept myself right where I was, feeling stiff as a board, because it would be so easy to roll over, close the distance between us and snuggle into his side.
“Never having anyone to lose,” he admitted in a hesitant voice. “I know that sounds weird, and I don’t mean Iwantto lose someone but…”
He blew out a breath. “The ones you’re afraid of losing,” he said, “I don’t have anyone like that. I lost my mom before I could ever know her, ever love her. My dad blames me because she died having me, so we’re—not close.” He stumbled over the words, like he’d never admitted it out loud before. “I know it’s not his fault because all he sees when he looks at me is her.”
So that was the tension I saw between them.Thatwas the reason behind the chill in the air whenever Gareth was near Josh.
It made me want to stomp up to my stepfather and smack some sense into him.
“It’s still wrong, Josh,” I argued. “It wasn’t your fault.”
His silence was loud and heartbreakingly telling.
“It’snot,” I stressed, worried he truly believed otherwise.
He shrugged impassively, flipping back over to scan the stars once more. They reflected in his glossy eyes.
“I just want one person,” he whispered brokenly, achingly earnest. “That’s all.”
Did he think that someone was Stella?
The words slipped out before I could stop them.
“You have me.”
They hung in the air between us, caught between the chirp of crickets and the soft gust of wind through the trees. My face burned. I held my breath, bracing for his mocking laughter.
But it never came.
Instead, he turned to me, voice soft and full of something like hope. “Do I?”
In that moment I swore something shifted between us, or maybe it was all in my head, myheart.
