Page 137 of One Indian Girl
‘Well, all thisushas done is have an affair for the last year. Thisuspretends to be colleagues in the office. Whereas in reality thisussleeps with each other during business trips and, now, even at my place.’
‘Can you keep your voice down, please?’ Neel whispered.
It only pissed me off.
‘See. Even here, even at Dragon-I, we are colleagues. I can’t say anything that will give us away. I can’t hold your hand here, can I? Even though you do like to spoon me at night, isn’t it?’
Neel looked around. The closest customers were three tables away.
‘You want to talk, we can talk. About anything. I had no idea you had so much bottled up.’
‘How could you? You have it easy. Partner at office. Husband and father at home. Young chick when you want her. What do you have to worry about?’
‘This.’
‘What?’
‘That you are not okay about it. When I thought you were.’
‘What made you think I am okay?’
‘I don’t know. When we make love, or when we work together, or when we chat, isn’t it out of this world?’
‘Life isn’t lived “out of this world”, Neel. Life is lived in this world.’
To be fair, even I didn’t know why I felt so anxious. Perhaps my mother’s one-year ticking-clock deadline had triggered a panic attack.
‘You know the problem, Neel. I can’t even discussuswith anyone. Other girls discuss their boyfriends with their friends. I can’t, right?’
I had to stop talking. I excused myself to go to the washroom. I returned after washing my face.
Neel looked at me with concern.
‘Sorry,’ I said.Why am I saying sorry to him?
‘You don’t have to be sorry. It’s your feelings. Thank you for sharing them. I am sorry for not sensing them earlier.’
My plate of vegetable dumplings had gone cold. One of the waiters replaced it. Neel and I ate in silence.
‘I love you,’ Neel said.
I shrugged.
‘So?’ I said. ‘Kind of irrelevant, isn’t it?’
‘What do you want, Radhika?’ Neel said.
I kept silent.
‘A future? I am twenty years older,’ he said.
‘You said age doesn’t matter in love. Didn’t you?’
‘I am married. I have kids. So much baggage.’
‘Exactly. So what am I doing with you?’
‘Aren’t you happy with just what we have?’ Neel said. He seemed to be genuinely confused.
