Page 61 of One Indian Girl

---

‘Harden me?’ I said. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘You were this sweet, innocent girl when I met you. You had a soft side.’

‘I still do. I am the same person. This is a job. I am more than that. I do it and come home to cuddle with you. Don’t I?’

‘Yeah,’ he said, sounding unconvinced.

‘You applied to digital ad agencies?’

‘I will. Soon.’

‘I thought you said you would.’

‘I will, Radhika. Don’t keep pushing me so much. See, this is what I mean. You have become hard.’

‘I am just concerned,’ I said and threw my hands up in the air. ‘I want you to be happy in your job too. I want you to settle down so we can take the next step.’

‘What step?’

I’d had enough of him faking ignorance. He knew exactly what I was talking about. With great effort, I kept calm and spoke again.

‘About marriage. How many times do I have to bring it up?’ I said. ‘I feel like I have to beg you.’

‘You don’t have to beg me.’

‘So how long do I fend off my mother?’

‘I have told you. I am not ready.’

My breathing became fast. I couldn’t take this anymore.

‘We won’t get married tomorrow, Debu. But we have to make some plans. I have to tell my parents I have someone in my life, so they don’t knock on every door in West Delhi to find a boy for me. I want to tell them soon.’

‘What do you want from me?’

‘Tell me what is your plan for us. You want to get married in one year? Two years? Three years? Something at least.’

‘I think it is too soon to think about all this.’

‘We have dated, sorry, lived-in for about two years. I think it is absolutely the time to at least think about this.’

‘I think it is not,’ Debu said.

‘I think it is,’ I said. We locked eyes.

‘And so you must be right. After all, you get the higher bonus, so what do I know, yeah?’ Debu said.

I gasped. I raised my hand and pointed a finger at him.

‘What the fuck! What did you say?’

‘Nothing,’ he said, probably regretting his statement.

‘Did you just bring my bonus into our marriage discussion?’

‘No, I didn’t.’

‘You did. I don’t even think about it anymore. Is it on your mind?’

---