Page 75 of One Indian Girl
‘I am leaving New York.’
You know the most annoying thing in the world? When it says ‘typing...’ on WhatsApp but then the ‘typing...’ vanishes. I have a cab waiting.Debu, say what you have to say fast, please,I said in my head.
‘Good’ came his response.Could he be any meaner?So okay, I had barged into his apartment. I had even entered his bedroom. Sure, he was mad at me. But did he realize that the person he’d lived with for two years was leaving the city, the country or even the continent?
‘I meant I am leaving now. On my way to the airport.’
He then did another mean thing you can do on WhatsApp. He sent me a thumbs-up smiley. Who made that stupid smiley? What the fuck is that thumbs-up supposed to mean?
Like an idiot I continued to send message after message. All in the hope of a scrap of emotion or validation. This man had the ability to make me feel wretched in seconds.
‘I am moving to Hong Kong.’
‘Great. More money for you, I hope.’
Really? He had to say that?I decided to ignore his snide comment.
‘So I am leaving New York forever,’ I said. I meant,I love you so much, this is what I have to do to get over you. And I am so lonely and scared, can you please say something nice before I go to a strange country, I beg you.
He did not respond for a minute. I checked the time. I had to reach the other end soon. I sent him another message to prompt him to respond.
‘Just wanted to let you know. No chance of me bothering you now, I guess,’ I said.I am grovelling now. At least say something nice.
‘Thank you for that. This way you can achieve your goals. And I can find someone caring,’ he said.
That hurt. I gripped my phone tight, to prevent my fingers from typing again. I like to humiliate myself, but I guess I had to set limits on how much.
No more,I said to myself. I took a deep breath. On an impulse, I tossed my phone into the East River. Tourists around me gasped in disbelief as I tossed a working iPhone into the water. The next minute I felt stupid. However, it ensured I didn’t have a phone on me for the next few hours, particularly at the airport. Of course, I could have simply deleted his contact. However, that wouldn’t stop me from expecting him to respond or from checking my phone every two minutes. No, I had to toss that humiliation device into the river. People with little emotional self-control must take drastic steps. I resumed my walk towards Brooklyn. As I stared at the wooden pathway, a question crossed my mind.
Damn, how will I reach the cab driver without my phone?
I did manage to find the taxi—by borrowing a tourist’s phone and using the card the driver gave me. In twenty minutes we reached JFK airport.
‘Terminal 7 please, Cathay Pacific,’ I said to the driver as we approached the airport driveway.
I checked in and waited to board in the Cathay Pacific lounge. A part of me felt glad I had lost my phone. If I didn’t I would be calling Debu right now. I thought about his curt responses. Couldn’t he have said, ‘All the best, baby. I am sorry it ended this way’? He could have even sent a ‘Let’s be in touch. I still care about you’. Was I so horrible? Was he so relieved to be rid of me?
Lost in these thoughts, I boarded the Cathay Pacific plane with its dark-green interiors. I sat in the plush business-class seat, courtesy of my bank, the only one in the world that seemed to care about me.
A pretty Chinese girl in a fitted red cheongsam dress came up to me. She offered me a glass of champagne. I declined. I had no reason to celebrate. I looked out the window as the plane started to taxi for its long sixteen-hour flight. My eyes filled with tears. I felt lost in my luxurious surroundings. Too sad to stay. Too sad to leave.Perhaps this is how it will be from now,I thought.I will remain sad forever. The plane took off. I continued to cry as New York became smaller and smaller in my window.
The flight attendant noticed my tears. After the seatbelt signs went off, she came up to me with a hot towel and tissues. I used the hot towel to wipe my face. The heat felt nice on my skin.
‘Thank you,’ I said.
‘Would you like to eat something, ma’am?’ she said.
I shook my head.
‘Maybe just the starter? We also have a lovely carrot-and-ginger soup.’
I nodded. She pulled out my tray table and placed a white cloth on it. She took another cloth napkin and placed it on my lap. She brought me a tray of food. It contained fresh salad, soup and brown bread. I had not eaten all day. I finished everything on my tray.
Later, she offered a raspberry pudding for dessert. After I ate it all up she brought me hot peppermint tea. I enjoyed her full attention.
Is this the kind of wife men want?
‘Ready for bed?’ she said.
