Page 186 of 12 Years
‘That me is gone. Like that me who fell in love so hard, it broke him when it ended. So yes, you’re absolutely right. Tania, Paulina, and their kinds—whatever I have with them is superficial, like the Botox fillers they get done. Yet, it keeps the surface beautiful. It’s not deep, sure, but it also means that I can’t get hurt. Sometimes, you need to swim in a shallow pool so that you don’t drown.’
‘I’m sorry I couldn’t stand up for you, Saket,’ Payal said, looking into my eyes. She reached out and clutched my hand. I gently extracted it.
‘It’s okay,’ I said. ‘You were under intense family pressure. That’s a real thing in Indian families. You tried your best.’
We sat in silence for quite a while before Payal spoke up. ‘I can relate to your trust issues,’ she said. ‘I have them too.’
I looked at her.
‘My marriage scarred me as well. I can’t even imagine being with anyone now …’
‘Do you also want to try the Tania-type system? Do you want me to ask her if she has a brother? Back home in Kyiv?’
Payal laughed out loud. ‘No, thanks. That’s not my scene at all.’
‘I can at least ask her to send some pictures,’ I said. ‘A Ukrainian toyboy. At least look at some photos?’
‘Stop it,’ Payal said, and punched my arm. For a moment, it felt like the same fooling around we used to do twelve years ago.
Our banter was interrupted by a young man who rode up on a unicycle on the cycling track that runs along the beach. He was dressed in a striped shirt and pants, resembling a circus clown.
‘Excuse me, lovely couple,’ he said, struggling to balance his unicycle.
‘We’re not a couple,’ I said.
‘Oh, okay, sorry about that,’ the unicyclist said. ‘I’m Jamal, a professional juggler. May I request you for a little help?’
‘Sure,’ I said.
‘I’ve been practising a new act for a while now. But before I launch it in front of a bigger audience, I wanted to show it to a few people and get their feedback. May I show you the act and get your genuine opinions?’
Payal and I looked at each other.
‘Don’t worry. You don’t have to pay me anything,’ Jamal said.
‘Sure,’ Payal said. ‘Let’s see it.’
Jamal bowed to us. He got off the cycling track and dug the wheel of his unicycle into the sand to stabilize it. Then he put on some music with a peppy beat on his Bluetooth speaker. Jamal sat on top of the cycle and took out six balls from his pocket. He started juggling them, beginning with three balls and increasing to all six.
Payal’s eyes remained transfixed on Jamal’s hands, the balls in the air, and his focused-yet-smiling face. I alternated my gaze between the juggler and Payal. I found more happiness in Payal’s delight from watching the act than in the act itself. Maybe that’s what I liked about being with Payal. Her happiness automatically created my happiness.
‘Bravo, superb!’ Payal clapped as Jamal finished the act. He bowed, and I applauded as well.
Payal took out a 100-dirham note from her purse. Jamal vigorously shook his hands.
‘Astaghfirullah! No, no,’ Jamal said. ‘I can’t accept that. You’re my test audience. Just give me feedback.’
‘What feedback?’ Payal said. ‘You’re fantastic. Just do it with a little more flamboyance and be proud. You’re too good.’
‘You’re too kind,’ Jamal said.
‘Allow us to at least buy you a cup of tea,’ I said.
‘Sure,’ Jamal said.
I went to the tea stall and returned with three fresh cups of tea.
‘Thank you,’ Jamal said as he took a cup from me. ‘You guys live in Dubai?’
