Page 188 of 12 Years
She nodded vigorously, but her face told a different story. Within seconds, she broke down completely. She sobbed uncontrollably.
‘What happened, Payal?’ I said, gently placing my hand on hers.
‘I couldn’t juggle,’ she said in between her tears. ‘I failed to juggle.’
‘What?’ I looked at her, confused.
But Payal didn’t respond. Instead, she continued to cry her heart out for the next five minutes. It was as if a dam buried deep inside her had burst open, and the tears wouldn’t stop.
‘What is the matter, Payal?’
She struggled to compose herself. I gave her some tissue that had come with the food package to wipe her tears. Eventually, she stopped crying.
‘Look at Jamal,’ she said, her voice catching. ‘He fought with everyone close to him. Why? For the sake of what he loves. And what did he say finally? “I love my job. It makes me happy. That’s all that matters. Hopefully, though, my parents understand that someday. And if they don’t, that’s just too bad.”’
‘I know, that was quite something.’
‘He’s doing gigs at birthday parties. Making a living somehow. But he’s still doing what he loves, and he does it so well too. His family should support him. But forget that, they disowned him. Still, he smiles and does it. It’s so …’ Payal paused, searching for the right word. ‘So brave …’
‘It is,’ I said. ‘But I can’t believe he’s had such an impact on you.’
‘Because he held up the mirror, Saket.’
‘Mirror?’
‘Yes, he showed me that even in the most difficult of circumstances, it’s possible to stand up for yourself. You go toss balls at kids’ birthdays, but you don’t compromise on what’s important to you. Now compare that to what I did. I had a high-paying job, but I still couldn’t stand up for myself.’
‘It’s not easy to go against one’s family,’ I said.
‘But it’s not impossible either,’ Payal said. ‘And I failed to do it. I married the wrong guy, even when I knew he wasn’t right for me. I made myself suffer. I made you suffer ….’ She teared up again.
I put my arm around her shoulder. Holding her delicate body like that felt familiar, even after so many years.
‘I doubted myself,’ Payal continued. ‘I believed some of their nonsense.’
‘What nonsense?’
‘All that stuff about you and me. That it wasn’t love. It was just lust. The age difference. Sex addiction and blah blah …’ Payal burst into tears again.
‘Don’t cry, please. It wasn’t your fault.’
‘How was it not?’ she said. ‘I didn’t fight enough. I didn’t believe in myself enough.’
‘You were too young, Payal. What do we know at twenty-two?’
Payal looked at me tearfully.
‘It’s okay,’ I said. ‘Really. You were a twenty-two-year-old girl! It’s hard to go against everyone at that age. It’s difficult to not get influenced. I get it.’
She turned to look at me. She hugged me, nestling her head against my shoulders. Exactly how she used to twelve years ago.
‘Still, I’m sorry, Saket,’ she whispered.
I realized that we’d been holding each other for a few seconds longer than necessary. ‘Be careful,’ Mudit’s words rang in my head.
‘It’s fine,’ I said, withdrawing myself.
I checked the time. It was 6.30 a.m.
