Page 37 of 12 Years
‘I don’t know. I … I’ve never seen it before.’
‘Never seen what before?’
‘A man’s thing. Turned on. Or even otherwise, actually.’
‘Would you like to?’
‘I think so. I mean I want to, out of curiosity. But I’m also feeling very shy,’ she said, hiding her face in my chest.
‘You’ve seen it in pictures, right? Or movies?’
‘You mean porn? Yes, I’ve seen porn.’
‘Have you ever done things with porn?’
‘Like what?’
‘Like … you know … touch yourself while watching porn?’
‘Stop it. What kind of questions are you asking me?’ she said and giggled.
‘I’m only trying to understand how much you know.’
‘Ugh. I tried. To do the touching thing,’ she said, giggling a little.
‘And? What happened?’
‘It kind of felt good. But I don’t think anything happened. Also, maybe it was just the movie I chose, it looked too graphic and gross. After a while, I went eww and stopped it.’
‘Did you ever try it again?’
‘Only a few times. But I felt nothing. Apart from the guilt, of course, the great Jain guilt.’
‘Porn and masturbation are also on the Jain not-to-do list?’
‘Why won’t they be? Anything sinful and fun is on that list. Not just Jain, it’s on every good Indian girl’s not-to-do list.’
‘But did your parents specifically tell you that?’
‘No. But which Indian parents talk to their kids about sex?’
‘True.’
‘But I’m learning now,’ she said, turning towards me. ‘And this doesn’t feel gross. It feels … nice? Exciting?’
I kissed her again. Her breathing quickened.
‘You’ve never had an orgasm?’ I said.
‘I don’t think so,’ she said.
‘Well, since today is a day of many firsts for you’—I half rose, leaning on my elbow—‘is it okay if I try to make you have one?’
Our eyes met. She nodded.
I kissed her face, and then moved down, kissing her neck, her shoulders, her breasts, stomach and navel. When I reached the waistband of her underwear, I stopped. I hookedmy fingers around it and looked at her. She lifted herself up on her elbows to look at me.
‘I’m nervous,’ she whispered.
