Page 56 of 12 Years
‘So, I’ll have to stay hidden all my life?’
‘Come on. I didn’t say that.’
‘What is your plan then?’
‘You tell me. Should there be a plan?’
I remained silent.
‘Nothing to say? I thought so. Anyway, I’m done with dinner.’ Payal stood up.
We cleared the table and took everything back to the kitchen. I put the remaining food in smaller containers and kept them in the fridge. Payal rinsed the plates and left them in the sink. I wiped the dining table with a damp cloth. She filled the water bottles to be kept on our bedside tables. Usually, this silence in which we performed these daily rituals would’ve been normal. Today, however, there was a heaviness in the air.
‘It’s not like I don’t want to have a plan.’ I finally broke the silence. We were in the bedroom, sitting on our respective sides of the bed.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ Payal said, rubbing some moisturizer on her face. Girls have a hundred skincare rituals that guys have no idea about. She had, for example, a specific cream for her under-eye area, one for her face, another one for her arms and legs, and yet another one for her feet. Why are all these creams different? And what exactly do they do?
‘I love you, Payal,’ I said.
‘But what does that mean finally?’
‘As in?’
‘Is there a future for us?’
When a woman uses the word ‘future’ in the context of a relationship, it’s dangerous territory. One wrong utterance, and you could blow things up. Forever.
‘When I say I can’t live without you, I mean it. I want to be with you.’
‘But you don’t want to get married.’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘It’s written all over your face. And you’ve told me this as well. The idea of marriage scares you.’
‘I did say that, yes,’ I said. ‘Marriage does scare me.’
‘But you don’t want me to get married to anybody else either. In other words, you don’t want me to get married at all.’
‘You’re twisting my words …’ I said.
‘I got it, Saket. There’s no marriage-type future with you.’
‘It’s not like that, Payal.’
She turned sideways to face me. Even when angry, she looked … so cute, so beautiful, so mine. It was impossible for me to argue with her.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I just freaked out when I heard your mom get so excited about the rishta.’
‘I’m not her.’
‘I know.’
‘You want me to tell them about us. They’ll freak out, but eventually, and let’s say hypothetically, I manage to convince them, and they come on board …’
‘Go on,’ I said, holding my breath.
‘What do you think they’ll expect us to do?’
