Page 195 of 12 Years
‘Does Tania stay over sometimes?’ she said.
I looked at her, surprised by her mention of Tania. ‘Sometimes. Mostly not though,’ I said. ‘I prefer it that way.’
‘How are things with her? Where is she tonight?’
‘We haven’t really been in touch for the last few days.’
‘Oh, what happened?’
‘Nothing. I just wanted a break,’ I said as we reached the master bedroom.
‘This is your room, I assume?’
‘Yes,’ I said and walked to the window to draw open the curtains.
‘It’s beautiful. You can see the beach and the water from here as well,’ she said, walking up to me.
‘Thank you,’ I said.
She stepped closer and placed her hands on my shoulders.
‘We can have sex,’ she said.
‘What?’
‘You heard me. We can, if you want.’
‘No, Payal,’ I said, gently removing her hands. I turned away from her and looked out of the window.
She placed her palm on my back.
‘What happened?’ she said. ‘You don’t want to?’
‘Why, Payal?’ I said. ‘You don’t have to do this. Why did you even say it like that?’
‘I want to make you happy. I feel like …’ she said and paused mid-sentence.
‘Feel like what?’
‘I feel like I let you down. Caused you pain. After I got married, I posted all those pictures on Instagram only to make my marriage appear normal. I never knew it would cause you to suffer even more. I feel terrible, Saket. You used to be this vibrant, fun, full-of-life guy. Now you’re rich and successful, yes. But that original Saket, the Saket I loved, the one that everyone loved, is gone. And I feel guilty and responsible for it.’
‘And having sex with me tonight will be some sort of compensation for all that? Is that why you drank all that wine? Like you did with Parimal? To make it happen?’
‘No, not like that, Saket,’ she said, her eyes welling up. ‘I just wanted to make you happy. Even if for a night. To tell you I still care for you. Even if I made the biggest mistake of my life.’
I didn’t respond. I went and sat on the bed. She came up to me, bent down and held my face in her hands.
‘Like you said that day, I was only twenty-two. Forgive me, Saket,’ she said.
‘I do,’ I said. ‘I do forgive you, Payal. You don’t have to have sex with me.’
‘I want to. I want to do anything you want me to do tonight. Please.’
I remained quiet.
‘Tell me what you want. Anything. Don’t hold back,’ she said. ‘No judging. You want one of those old wild nights. Just tell me.’
‘I don’t.’
