Page 107 of Loved Out Loud
“The car’s here,” Darren says quietly. “I had them pull around back, so she can exit via the private entrance.”
“Thank you. Dan’s going to go with her, I’ll walk them down when he comes back.”
I don’t wait for his response before crossing the room and going to her. I pluck her up from the couch and then sit back down with her in my lap. Jade and Xander stand up to give us some privacy.
“How are you?”
“Numb.” Her voice is monotone as she stares into space.
“That’s to be expected. I wish I could go with you.”
She turns to me, a tear gathering on her lashes. “I know, but you have work to do. Music to perform. Memories to make.”
“None of that is as important as you are, though.”
She gives me an attempt at a smile, her full lips lifting partially before she presses them to mine.
“Can you make me a promise?” I ask when she backs away.
“Maybe.”
“If you ever feel like you might want to hurt yourself, you’ll call me. I don’t care if I’m mid-song on stage, I’ll stop for you, okay? I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re alone because you’re not.”
Her eyes dance back and forth between mine as if she’s trying to find a way to not make that promise. Whatever she sees in my eyes must make her realize how serious I am because she finally gives me a slight nod.
“I’ll do my best.”
“Thank you.” I look over her shoulder as Dan walks back in, duffle bag in hand. “I’m sending Dan with you.”
“Okay.” She surprises me by not arguing.
Darren motions for us to follow him while he rolls her suitcase out of the suite. Hazel and I fall into step behind Dan. The four of us ride the elevator down to the private entry of the hotel in silence.
The silence continues on the drive to the plane. I keep her hand clasped in mine as the car pulls onto the tarmac and up to the jet. The crew is already waiting for us, Darren gets out, buttons his suit jacket, and walks over to the captain. The first officer takes the suitcases and stows them away.
Tears burst from Hazel’s eyes as we stop at the bottom of the stairs up to the plane. My arms wrap her up tightly between them, pulling her so close and firmly to my body I feel every inch of her. I bury my head in her hair as she sobs against me.
“Hazel.” I cup her cheek, lifting her face until I can see those beautiful eyes of hers. “I’ll be waiting for your call. Please keep me updated.”
“I will,” she says quietly. “Tell Darren I said thanks for this.” She waves in the direction of the plane.
“I will.”
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
The words rattle around inside my heart as I watch her climb up, Dan on her heels. He looks over his shoulder and gives me a nod that says he’s got her while I can’t. I step back, walking in the opposite direction of her, the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I want to spill the words in my heart out into the air. To make them real. But if anyone is going to hear them first, it’s going to be her.
I’ve spent years of my life alone in hotel suites, it never bothered me until now. The yawning emptiness, an ache in my chest the shape of Hazel, and it’s only been twelve hours. She called when they landed in New York and again after seeing her grandma.
Unfortunately the prognosis isn’t good.
Beverly is in a coma that they don’t know if she’ll ever wake up from. I didn’t want to ask about her end of life directives and risk upsetting Hazel. I’m just glad she’s there with her mom. I’m also glad I sent Dan because she keeps insisting she’s okay, but I don’t know if she’s just trying to keep me from worrying. He’s been instructed to keep me informed of what he’s seeing. I know they’ve formed a close friendship, but ultimately I sign his paychecks.
I’m not above holding that over him to ensure she’s okay. I’d do much worse.
