Page 20 of Loved Out Loud
“How about you Hazel? Is there anything you need to make life easier?”
“No, not really. The hotel room was great. I found my bunk on the bus. Jade had me fill out preference sheets for food and beverages. I’m good with everything.”
“If you think of anything, don’t hesitate to let me or Jade know. I know your agent will be joining for many of your signings, but we’re happy to step in where need be.”
“I can look through your social media, if you want. I’m not an expert in the bookish spaces online, but I’m always here to bounce ideas off of.”
“Actually, now that you mention it.” Hazel stands and walks back to the bunks, digging through her bag for something. She comes back holding a paper rose. “One of my readers made this from the pages of my book. I was thinking about turning it into a kind of mascot for the tour. Having it in photographs of me writing and at the table during signings.”
“I love that idea,” Jade squeals. “I could even place it near you and take some candid shots for you to post.” She points at the flower. “May I?”
“Sure.” Hazel hands it over.
“This is actually so cool.” Jade inspects the piece. “Have you gotten any other gifts like this?”
“Just a crocheted penis.”
Tobias spits his water out and coughs. Darren makes a disgusted face and wipes his arm on his shirt while the rest of us laugh.
“Did you bring that?” Tobais smirks.
“It’s in my other suitcase,” Hazel says with a smile. “I’ll show you later if you want.”
“Sweet, you show me your penis, and I’ll show you mine,” he flirts back.
My stomach sours at the thought of Tobias and Hazel. Absolutely in no way am I allowing him within five feet of her with his dick. We never call dibs on women, but the desire to do so is clawing within my chest.
Mine.
Mine.
Mine.
Is what my heart says with each and every beat.
What the fuck is wrong with me? I don’t claim people. I’m not possessive. I’m not needy.
My eyes bore holes into her profile as she talks social media with Jade. Maybe if I stare at her long enough, this budding obsession will fade away. It’s because she’s so new to us. That has to be the reason. It just has to be.
As the bus finally starts to move, Tobias finishes his dinner and goes right to his bunk. He’ll be asleep for most of the nine-hour drive. Xander wanders back to the lounge to work on writing for the new album. Darren grabs his laptop and gets inhis bunk. After a few minutes Jade takes her phone and walks back into the lounge, mumbling something about getting candid shots of Xan working.
That leaves Hazel alone with me. I watch as she flips open a notebook and starts writing haphazardly all over sheets of paper. She turns her chair, so she’s looking out into the dark of the night.
Part of me wants to ask her what she’s writing. But she’s so focused I don’t want to interrupt her flow. Instead, I pick up my own journal and go through the ideas I have so far. I play around with lyrics, but nothing sticks. Everything feels so uninspired, so vacant.
Eventually I give up and wander back into the lounge to see what Xan is doing. When I walk through the door, I find Jade in the corner, her knees pulled to her chest as she watches him play. Times like these are the only ones when they coexist peacefully. He pretends to ignore her, and she watches quietly, occasionally recording a short clip of him playing or taking a photo to post later on.
I grab the keyboard and sit down across from him, listening to what he’s got and adding what I think might mesh well. I ad lib once we get to a place where the music sounds good, and he’s started recording on his phone for reference.
My eyes close as I lean into the rhythm and let it carry me. This is when I’m at my most calm, just jamming with Xan like we’re back in school. When what we have of the song ends, I open my eyes and find Hazel sitting next to Jade.
Her gray eyes are wide and full of wonder. “That was amazing. I hope you don’t mind me coming back here.”
“Not at all.” We all signed NDAs for each other’s projects. It’s too hard to live in such close quarters and keep secrets.
“What did you think?” Xan asks the girls.
“It was great. More mellow than I expected,” Hazel says. “Most of your music has a harder edge.”
