Page 52 of Loved Out Loud
I considered sending my work on book two to my editor for a check in, but after getting Greg’s feedback, I don’t even know if I should continue with where I was going. He was brutal. I understand why, he wants me to be successful, but fuck, he could have been a little more gentle about it.
I honestly don’t know what to say to him, so I haven’t even responded to his email yet. I can’t tell my family or Sierra. They’d just cite it as another example of why I need to cut the cord with him. But I can’t do that. He’s important to me, in so many ways more than a fuck buddy or mentor.
Plus I’d never forgive myself if I burned this bridge and then everything he said turned out to be true. Maybe the tropes I’m leaning into are trite and uninspired. My voice might very well be commercial and boring now.
Maybe I am a sell out.
My phone vibrates on the bedside table across the room from where I’m curled on the small loveseat. I stand to go check it.
Stone: Have dinner with me tonight
Me: Is that a question or demand?
Stone: It’s whatever it needs to be to get you to have dinner with me
Me: What time and where?
Stone: Come to my room at 7
Me: Okay
My stomach swoops. Is this just a friendly meal or a date? I can’t really tell, I mean I know he’s attracted to me, but I’ve seen the type of women he’s usually spotted with. Glamorous models and actresses. Not emotionally damaged writers.
I hear a knock at my door and find Jade on the other side, Dan standing against the wall on the other side of the hall.
“Ready to go?”
“Yeah. Let me grab my purse real quick.”
We chat a bit on the elevator ride down to the lobby. I ask her about sound check, which she says went really well. She mentions that the guys always have their best performances when they have sound check the day before instead of squeezing everything into the day of the concert, which makes sense.
“Do you want to grab dinner together after this?” she asks as she closes the car door.
“I can’t tonight. I’m actually having dinner with Stone.”
Jade’s lips lift in a slow smile. “Really?”
“Yeah, I don’t think it’s a date or anything like that.” My cheeks flush and I look away from her. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Oh, it’s definitely a date. I can count on one hand how many women he’s asked to dine with him during a tour.” She holds up one finger. “You.”
“Really?” My eyes widen as they meet hers.
“Really really. He likes you,” she singsongs then taps Dan on the shoulder. “Am I right?”
He looks back at me and gives me a grin. “She’s right.”
“How long have you been on the security team?” I ask him.
“Six years. Definitely long enough to know all three of the guys. He is very different with you.”
The soft leather of the seat cradles me as I sink into contemplation. He does make me feel seen. Even more importantly, he makes me feel safe.
Last night, for example, showing him one of my scars was a huge step. I’ve never even shown Greg. He asked me about the long sleeves early on, but once I told him why I wear them, he never asked again. I used to think that was a sign of him respecting my boundaries, but now I wonder if it’s indifference.
Regardless, now isn’t the time to be thinking about this because I’m so hurt from the email he sent. Whether or not hehad good points, he was borderline cruel in his delivery. I want him to be proud of me. The thought of letting him down makes me sick to my stomach.
As the SUV pulls up to the first bookstore, I push my worries to the back of my mind. For now I just need to focus on signing as many copies of my books as I can and doing a little interview for the store to post to social media.
