Page 31 of Nothing to Fear
“Yeah, so fuckin’ hot. I gotta ask . . .”
“No one knows,” I say quickly, not wanting him to finish his sentence. Asher’s eyes widen in surprise, the look quickly replaced by something unfamiliar. Intrigue? For the first time in over three years, Asher is looking at me like he just got the final piece of the puzzle, as if he’s seeing me wholly for the first time.
I don’t hate the idea of that.
“No one?”
“I mean, people know, just no one at Corvus, except my dad.”
“How is that even possible?”
His question makes me stumble. He’s a gay man, he knows the deal here, and just because his reality is different, doesn’t mean mine doesn’t exist. Irritation rises quickly, and I jerk up my pants, tucking my dick away with my clean hand.
“Not everyone can be out in the open like you, Asher. Are you serious? No one knows because I can’t tell them. Do you know of any other openly gay players on the team? Or hell, any team here? There aren’t.”
Asher has the audacity to look hurt, his eyes softening as he reaches forward and rips out a tissue, quickly cleaning up the mess on his stomach before handing me one. We sit in silence as I clean the jizz off my hand, unsure what the hell just happened. It’s not like I don’t want to be out in the open; hell, the biggest part of why I’ve been so mean to Asher over the last few years is because I’m so jealous of the fact that he is.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “Looks like we both misjudged each other. Can we start over?”
Start over? Fuck. What would that be like? I think back at how badly I wanted to start school here and be myself—open and carefree from day one. The first day at a new place where no one knows you, there are zero expectations, and you can be whoever you want to be without fear of disappointingsomeone or filling someone’s preconception of who you are. What I would give to be able to start over.
“It’s not that easy, Ash . . .”
“It can be.”
He’s wrong.
The room is sweltering, the walls closing in on me as my body flushes with heat. I stand, looking down at Asher’s dark onyx eyes. I came here to tell him I was done running, that I was going to chill out. I came here to apologize. But here I am, doing what I always do.
“Maybe for you. But it’s too late for me.”
With that, I walk out of Asher’s room and leave his apartment without looking back.
Chapter 12
Asher
Silas Blackwood isn’t at all who I thought he was. He’s so complex, layers upon layers hidden behind a rough, protective wall. I want to peel back every single piece and learn about each one. Our little mutual jack-off session was easily one of the hottest sexual experiences of my life. I’ve never wanted to reach out and touch someone as badly as I wanted to touch Silas at that moment.
Silas.
What a mindfuck.
Sure, I was trying to mess with him, make him uncomfortable, but I had no idea he’d join me. It was the hottest, most sexually electric experience of my life, and we barely touched each other. Just the press of his warm thigh on mine was enough to have me shooting my load.
I held on as long as I could, my eyes roaming all over him—thick, strong legs spread wide, his huge dick rock hard. I wanted to drop to my knees between his legs and lick him root to tip, suck him back until he was spilling down my throat. Theway he moaned for me when I gave him a demand or praise. Jesus.
For as long as I’ve known him, he’s been a big, asshole jock, albeit a sexy big asshole jock, but still an asshole, nonetheless. I’ve seen slight glimpses of who he is behind his shell when we’re alone together at the archives studying. Hell, even when we fight. His crystal-blue eyes give everything away. He doesn’t enjoy being a dick to me, and if I were a betting man, I would wager that it hurts him a helluva lot more than it hurts me.
I tossed and turned all night last night, reliving his muscular body next to me, his thick cock as his fist pumped him up and down, the sexy way he squeezed his engorged head on every upstroke, the way his fingers rubbed his balls. And the way he sounded when he came? Jesus fucking Christ, it was better than any porn, better than any partner I’ve had in the past. It was a man completely lost to the moment, uninhibited, and wanton. That did it for me.
It was also vaguely familiar. Something about the way he sounded, the way his hips moved against his hand. I had the oddest sensation while watching him come that I had seen it all before, but that’s not even possible. My mind was just conjuring up what I’ve been wanting, what I’ve been dreaming about.
I want more.
After grabbing a quick dinner,I head to the archives to study for a while before Silas shows up for tutoring. I need to get him caught up, but I also can’t afford to fall behind in the process.
My little mishap with Silas in class, unfortunately, put me under a microscope. In every class since, Professor Thorne’s attention seemed to constantly flick back to me,as if he had a sixth sense and he knew I was slacking. For the first time in my life, I struggle to focus on lectures, to focus on my work. His presence is intense, as if darkness shrouds him, and the last thing I need is to be on his bad side. I need to excel in his class. His email was a warning that I was on thin ice, and I need to make sure I don’t mess up again.
