Page 44 of Nothing to Fear
Watching Silas on the field is an awakening. He’s exceptional and smart, quick on his feet—every movement is tactical and fluid. He’s everything I already saw inside him, and it makes so much sense why he’s the captain leading this team. His dad may have gotten him admission into Corvus, but Silas’ athletic ability is all him. He deserves his spot right here.
The forty-minute half goes by in a blur, with Corvus takingthe win. I jump from my spot, clapping with everyone else, when Silas stops mid-field to look my way, dipping his head in a silent nod to me. He acknowledged me after his win, and while it wasn’t some grand gesture of love and outing himself to everyone around us, it was enough.
The after-party is wild.I guess winning the first game all season would be a good reason to lose your mind, but the turnout is intense. I grab a soda from a cooler and look around for the pretty blond slacker who drove his team to the win tonight. I have no doubt everyone will want to celebrate with him, and that he’s feeling like hot shit. He deserves it.
Watching him in his element, seeing him lead his team and his movements on the field, was incredible. My chest filled with pride watching him, and I can’t wait to show him how much when I get him alone later.
My eyes scan the crowd, popping the clip of the can and taking a long pull of the crisp soda. I’m lost looking for him, and I don’t notice when Parker takes up the side of me, his eyes on me while I search the throngs of people partying.
“Looking for someone?” Parker asks, pulling me from my task.
“Just checkin’ to see who’s here. You know how it is.”
“Do I, though? Looking for anyone in particular?” I ignore his attempt at digging.
“Maybe a certain blond, dickhole jock?” he adds after a moment. That gets my attention.
“Watch your fuckin’ mouth, Parker. Don’t talk about him like that!”
“Aaand there it is. You’re totally into him, you dumbass motherfucker,” Parker spits.
Fuck.
I told Silas we’d go at his pace, but Parker is intuitive as hell, and we’ve known each other a long time. He was bound to figure it out.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” The words taste bitter on my tongue as I lie to my best friend.
“Since when are you a liar?”
“I’m not a liar, Park. You just don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“No, I definitely do. I know you. And I know damn well you haven’t felt an attachment to anything other than this school, your goals, and your family. Even I come after those three things. Until Silas Blackwood was forced in front of you. You’re not the same as you were four weeks ago, and the only difference is him. So, you gonna lie to me? Keep it to yourself? Or finally tell me what the hell is going on so when shit does go down, I’m at least not in the dark and can properly have your back.”
My head snaps back in his direction, reading his facial expression. Parker looks the same as he always does, his face passive and relaxed, but I know he speaks the truth. He wouldn’t lie to me, and I’m a dumbass for thinking I could lie to him.
“You’ll keep it between us?”
“I’ve already put it together, man. Just give it to me straight.”
“I fell for him. I’m obsessed. Everything about him is infectious. He’s soft in all the best places, and strong in all the rest. That man over there? That’s not the same man I’ve gotten to know. He’s putting on a well-rehearsed show for everyone because, well, he’s got his reasons.”
“Is he gay? Or is he fucking with you?”
“He’s gay, Park. If you repeat that, I’ll know it came from you because only I know.”
“I wouldn’t. No matter how much I think he’s a douchebag. It’s actually been pretty nice seeing you distracted. There’s more to life than living in a book.”
“I need to find balance, because he consumes me. I feel borderline insane when I’m not with him.”
“I know what you mean. Why do you think I stick my dick inside any willing partner? It’s just to give me a reprieve from thinking of Mia.” I sigh at his words. I should have known Parker wouldn’t freak out. He’s always had my back and been a good friend the last few years. “So, what are you going to do? Doesn’t seem like he’s ready to come out of hiding.”
“I don’t know.” Because, truthfully? I don’t have a fucking clue. My eyes flick back to the subject of my thoughts just as he runs his thick fingers through his silky blond hair.
It’s a special kind of torture to be in the same room as Silas and not be able to touch him. He’s mine. And I’m stuck standing here watching Leah Hamilton dry hump his side like a cat in heat. The purpling skin on the side of his neck from where I sucked him raw is noticeable from here, and it makes me feel a sense of ownership and pride that he didn’t bother hiding. At least there’s that.
I stay hidden in the back, leaning up against a wall, continuing to sip on my soda when I wish it was alcohol for the first time in my life. I never understood the desire to dim one’s senses and inhibitions until right now. Silas throws his head back in a laugh at something someone in the group said, and jealousy starts to burn like a wildfire inside me. I’m two seconds from storming over to him and plunging my tongue down his throat for all to see.
Instead, I finish my drink and toss the can into the recycling bin before heading out into the autumn air. I’ve never been someone’s secret before, and if I didn’t feel so strongly about him, I’d walk away. I can have empathy for his situationwithout being willing to put myself through the torture. But with Silas, I’d walk through the fiery pits of hell if he were waiting for me on the other side.
