Page 46 of Nothing to Fear
“Twice in one month, this must be some kind of record. To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing my youngest?”
“I’m in love with Asher Ambrose,” I confess on an exasperated breath as I collapse into the plush velvet chair in front of his desk, reveling in how those words sounded on my lips. I just wish they were said to Asher and not my dad. But I needed someone to talk to, and he’s my only option.
My dad studies me for a moment, a mask of confusion filling his face. We look so similar, his blond hair now dusted with silver strands. Instead of semi-long like mine, his is perfectly coiffed in a slick, pushed-back style. I have my mother’s blue eyes, but everything else I get from my dad. Nerves shoot through my veins as I bounce my leg anxiously, unsure how this conversation is going to go or if it’s just going to muddle my thoughts further.
“I didn’t think you were openly out here at school?”
“I’m not. Only Asher knows.” Right now.
“Well, that certainly wasn’t my plan when I picked him totutor you, but I’m not going to sit here and lie and say I’m unhappy about it. Asher is brilliant and has plans to continue his studies in literature. You know he wants to be a literary scholar? We would like him to eventually teach here.”
“Why did you pick Asher, Dad? There are a lot of students here who are vying for his spot, and many qualified students to tutor me. Why him?”
“I honestly don’t know, son. I was scrolling through students and their academic achievements, and Asher’s name was in bold. I almost picked someone else, but it didn’t feel right. I don’t know how to explain it other than Asher felt like a good match, that he would be your ticket.”
“To the life you always dreamed for me.” My dad starts to laugh, and it puts me on edge.
“You know, I’ve done the best I could with you and your brothers. Sent you to all the best schools, paid for all the best lessons and coaches, and did everything I could to provide you the best life possible. But all I really want is for you to be happy. I know how difficult the outside world is, and I want you to be successful, whatever that looks like to you. You’ll always have me to fall back on, and maybe I should have made things harder on you so you weren’t so spoiled or comfortable, but hindsight is twenty-twenty. Asher makes you happy?”
“Yes,” I answer without hesitation. It’s everything else that is hard, even if I have brought most of it down on myself. We all make choices and have to live with them. An image of me running into Asher in the quad when I was playing around with Eli and Rome comes to mind. It was just a few weeks ago that that happened. I treated him like shit as a defense mechanism. I didn’t see him there, but the moment our bodies crashed together on the ground, his perfectly rich smell surrounded me, and my heart and dick immediately responded. The way the warmth of his body seeped into mine?It was hard not to curl up on top of him and spend the rest of the day together.
“I’m happy for you, son. You just need to find the courage to be who you are in here.” He taps his chest with his pointer finger, right above his heart.
This meeting didn’t go at all how I anticipated, and my heart feels like it’s been cut open and is bleeding out. I thought the life my dad always wanted for me was one of wealth, prestige, popularity, and the comforts he’s earned for himself. Hearing that he just wants me to be happy? I needed to hear those words more than I realized before I walked into his office.
I’m the only one standing in my way, self-sabotaging time and time again. I can’t continue to live this way. Especially now that I have something that makes me want to come out of the darkness and feel the light on my skin.
The next day,I take my seat in Professor Thorne’s Fear and Ink course and wait for Asher. I got here early so I can see him as he walks in.
Professor Thorne arrives before anyone else, leaving just the two of us alone in the lecture hall. It’s a large room with vaulted seating, and I sink down in my chair, hoping like hell he doesn’t notice me. I peek over my eyelashes every minute or so, sneaking a glimpse of him to watch what he’s doing. Professor Thorne’s dark, black hair is pulled back in a severe ponytail at the base of his neck, just as it always is. I bet as a Thorne, he knows how to get into the Corvus Cemetery.
Interest piqued, I study his features, his chiseled jaw, the shape of his nose, his dark brown eyes that look almost onyx in certain light. He’s so serious and unapproachable that it’s shocking he’s managed to make a career out of teaching at all.
Students start to file in not a moment later, taking their seats. Whispers and chatter start to fill the room, but my mind is going a mile a minute, drowning it all out and trying to come up with a smart way to ask Professor Thorne about getting into the cemetery. It’s the one thing Asher wants to do, and I want to do my part in making that happen for him.
I look up just in time to see Asher enter the lecture hall, his lips turning up into a smile as he spots me, racing to take a seat next to me, looking at me like I hung the fucking moon. My heart trips over itself as I return his smile. Everything around us seems to fade away.
“Hi, what’s with the serious face?” Asher’s voice is smooth like chocolate, warmth spreading through my veins.
“Was just watching Professor Thorne. Was trying to find the courage to go ask him about the cemetery.”
“I would avoid him like the plague. He doesn’t seem like our biggest fan.”
“No? I thought everyone was my biggest fan.”
Asher barks out a laugh that is so at odds with his typical behavior, it pulls a laugh out of me. A loud clearing of a throat pulls our attention to the front of the room, finding Professor Thorne’s emotionless eyes focused right on the two of us.
“Mr. Ambrose, Mr. Blackwood, if you are quite done, I have a class to teach.”
“See? I don’t think he’ll be giving us the tips to get inside, even if we beg.”
“I’m good at begging,” I say under my breath, my hand cupped over my lips.
I watch Asher’s side profile as he bites the inside of his cheek, holding back a smirk.
Asher takes notes the entire class, and I listen closely, knowing we will go over them together tonight. My mind is focused heavily on finding a way into the cemetery, though.I should let this go. I know we have plenty of time to find our way in, but something just keeps pulling at me.
Instead of letting it go, I skip practice and head to the archives before Asher, pulling out the family lineage book I saw him reading a few weeks ago. I know he’s studying the dark history of Corvus College, but maybe he’s missed something; maybe there are other people here who would know the secret.
