Page 12 of All Hallows' Hex
“That I can help you with a bit. There are obvious differences because I can’t speak for the bisexual woman experience, but I appreciate you coming to me. I’m bisexual too, so I’ve been there with those thoughts and questions, the pressure to feel like you have to “pick a side,” right?”
“That’s exactly it. I know I have feelings for Lanie, but I didn’t expect to still be attracted to men.” The sense of breathing for the first time returned as I felt understood and not alone. Matt looked to the starry sky in thought.
“Understandable. Starting from the beginning, I guess you could say it started with your typical wild exploration in high school for me. Over time, that fun condensed into real attraction outside of those situations. I hooked up with a guy and then I found myself noting little things about him in casual meetups that justsparkedsomething.”
He paused as he looked down to the boys in the grass, and my guess was to Elijah in particular.
“I wasn’t dating anyone seriously at the time and realized that same spark for girls was still there,” he continued. “What a tough and hormonal time that was.” He laughed, and it echoed down the road and put me at ease. “Are you happy?”
“Of course.”
“Then that’s the only defining factor that matters here. Whether it’s Lane or some guy, if that’s where you feel happiest and most connected to someone in this stage of your life, then go for it and leave that choosing shit far behind you. Do you feel safe at home?” It was the first time someone asked me that.
“Yeah, my parents are supportive. It’s mostly this internal battle of rejecting the societal norm. It’s silly. I’m sorry.” I shook my head and looked away. I shouldn’t be burdening him with my problems—he was a complete stranger to me.
“It’s not silly, and I’m happy you feel comfortable enough to talk to her friends on a matter like this.”
“How’d you know you liked Elijah?” I asked, shifting the conversation to a more lighthearted topic. It was then that he cut his eyes to the man in question. I heard the boys laughing and talking from here.
“Our first aerial.” He said it so matter-of-factly, as though there were no doubt or second-guessing that moment. “I held us up in the straps and his position was to hold onto my shoulders. Eye to eye like that, I couldn’t run away from it. He’s a beautiful acrobat and it was a fact I could acknowledge, but I was kidding myself that that was the sum of it all. Three amazing years later, I couldn’t imagine myself in love with anyone else. He’s everything for me.”
“That’s . . . beautiful.” I sat in awe and amazement at how he spoke about Elijah.
“What you and Lane have is too, Ames.” He looked at me then, and despite his terrifying theatrical makeup, I felt at peace.
“Are you guys going back to work?”
“Yeah, Everett has to finish another hour in the clown house and Eli needs to grab his unicycle. We have a little performance in the pavilion. Wanna come?”
“A unicycle?” I didn’t know why it surprised me given their backgrounds, but the thought of a man that tall on a unicycle seemed a little out there.
“He’s the best jester after all. We’re on at the top of the hour. Come see us if you’re able to.” He hopped off the table and I followed his lead, standing and trailing behind him. Matt stopped for me to catch up, slinging his arm over my shoulders when I reached him. “Being who you are will never be wrong. If you ever need anything, just find me. Have Lane give you my number too, okay?”
“I will. Thanks, Matt.”
“No problem, enjoy your night.” His hand came up and patted my head before he left me in the middle of the avenue to join his friends.
I pulled out my phone, deleting the useless notifications and finding our group chat. The avenue filled with shrieks of terror as people ran out of the haunted clown house. Feet stamped across the pavement, the sounds of laughter following them.
Aimee: Invited to a performance, wanna join?
Vera: Sounds fun!! Dakota wants to hang out later, probably my last event here.
Sienna: Definitely next time. Mom called so I went home to help her. Still hanging out next week, yeah?
I shot off a confirmation and privately messages Vera where to meet me at the pavilion. It saddened me that Sienna was avoiding the truth, especially with us. She withstood the time she could, but the nerves of seeing Everett again and having to make that decision still rocked her.
The boys passed me on their way to the back of the warehouse and I set out to Vera, letting everything that happened wash over me with a new sense freedom and relief.
* * *
Sittingon a bench that circled the pavilion, I tapped my foot and watched my phone as I waited for her. Lane had been able to send a couple of emojis between customers, but we hadn’t been able to talk at length. A crowd formed behind with the chatter of anticipated excitement for the show.
A sing-song voice calling my name drew my attention away. I looked up to see Vera almost skipping to me with a bag of cotton candy and a cheeky grin covering her face.
“Did the cotton candy almost make you late?” She shrugged her shoulders and plopped down beside me.
“Have you had any? This shit is crack and totally worth being delayed a few minutes.” Vera shoved her hand back inside to pinch off a piece of the blue spun sugar.
