Page 14 of Beat of Love
He gave Mammy a side glance. “I am sorry I wasn’t here for you. I—”
He shut his mouth, not knowing what to say. There was so much to be sorry for, so many regrets, he didn’t even know where to begin.
“You are home now.Thatis what is important.”
Placing her hand on his arm, she continued, “God kept you safe and sent our angel to rescue you. He has further plans for you,mo stóirin, and you need to prepare for them.”
He snorted. “God wants nothing to do with me.” He twisted to look at her. To make her understand what a despicable human he’d become. “I spentyearsin the presence of the worst of humanity.Becomingone of them.”
Her vivid gaze pierced his soul, holding him captive.
Reading his mind. Damn Irish blood.
“Yet here you are. Alive. And He saw fit to send Esther to find you and bring you home. That’s a miracle.Youare a miracle.”
Miracle?Him. “Hmph.”
Mammy cupped his cheek. “Caithfidh tú a chreidiúint, a bhuachaill.”
“Believe?” he scoffed, sticking to her Irish tongue. “In what?”
“Yourself.”
He barked a laugh. “Myself?”
“You have carried the darkness for too long, Rafferty. It entered your soul thirty-six years ago when Sinead was taken, and it’s time to banish it. It’s time to seek the light. It’s time to seek happiness. To seek love.”
Happiness? Love? “I had my happiness and love. And Charliedied.” He thumped his fist against his heart. “Because ofme.”
“Not you—”
He switched back to English. “Stop.” Grabbing hold of both her hands, he continued gruffly, “Mammy, I have the utmost respect for you, but nothing will ever make me believe I was not responsible for my wife’s death.”
It wasn’t hard to read the resignation in her eyes. But she didn’t belabor the subject. “Shall we join our family?”
His skin crawled at the idea of facing the rest of his family. “Think I’d prefer to stay here.”
“And those people out there,your family, are celebrating your return.”
“They’re here for Essie, not me.”
“You, too,mo buachaill.”
“Never.”
“Come.” Mammy got to her feet and grabbed his hand. “It’s time.”
“Mammy …”
“You’re not a coward, Rafferty. Come with me.”
He couldn’t withstand Mammy’s soft appeal and allowed her to draw him to his feet. She hooked her arm around his elbow as they started down the path. The wind kicked up, creating a swirl of dust in front of them. He glanced up at the overcast skies. The clouds looked heavier, the promise of a summer storm stronger.
“It’s going to rain sooner than anticipated,” Mammy noted. With that, she picked up the pace, but they continued in silence, the joyful chirping of birds in stark contrast to the dark emotions roiling within him.
The hum of voices increased in volume, and his steps faltered, slowing to a stop when they rounded the corner of the house.
He took a moment to absorb the festive scene beneath the ancient trees his forefathers had planted more than a century ago, their branches arching overhead like watchful sentinels. The long table groaned under the weight of roasted meats, chargrilled vegetables, crusty bread, and platters of fresh fruit.
