Page 3 of Claimed By the Panda
“You’re so screwed. Unless you show up with a boyfriend, Dad’s going to know you lied. And you know how he gets about dishonesty. Imagine all the stern lectures.”
“So I need a fake boyfriend.”
“Oh yeah, combat your dishonesty with more dishonesty. Smart move.”
I straightened up, my brain switching to problem-solving mode. “It’s just for breakfast. Just to buy some time.”
Alex laughed again. “Good luck with that, bro. Gotta go—I just got matched on ShifterSwipe. Girl wants me to—”
I hung up before he could say more. Alex had zero filter, and I didn’t want details. I looked around at the people milling around in costumes, wondering if there was a guy in the crowd that’d be willing to volunteer as someone’s fake date. Not likely.
As I started to walk back to where I’d parked, something furry slammed into me from behind. I whirled around and found a girl in a full-body panda costume on the ground, giggling.
“Fuck, I just bounced right off of you. Those muscles are real,” she said.
I couldn’t explain the physics of being a 300-pound panda in a human body, so I apologized and reached out to help her to her feet.
“Such a gentleman!”
The people dressed as pandas all whooped and cheered. Fuck, Halloween was an eerie holiday.
“Why are you all dressed as pandas?” I asked.
“It’s Halloween!” A young man said. “Why don’t you have a costume?”
“I’m an undercover cop.”
“Well, you’re not doing a very good job of being undercover,” he muttered, giggling. “Undercover cops are supposed to blend in.”
“No, I’m not a real cop; it’s my costume. Undercover cop.” Why was I trying to explain my costume to some idiot in a giant panda head? “Better than dressing as an embarrassment of pandas.”
“We’re not embarrassing; we’re awesome!” one of the girls yelled.
“No, a group of pandas is an embarrassment,” the giggling guy said.
“In more ways than one,” I muttered.
“Do you have a lot of panda facts memorized? I’m Cody.” He stuck out his hand. Or cartoonish panda paw, as it were.
I blew out a breath and shook it. “Jian. And I meant you were being embarrassing. All dressed as chubby pandas.”
“It was Cody’s idea!” the drunk girl said. “I wanted to go as slutty cats, but he said it was his turn to pick the group costume.”
“And pandas are so silly and cute. We couldn’t say no to Cody. It’s his favorite animal,” another of the pandas added.
“Not sexy though,” the first girl said, patting her fat panda belly and shaking her butt.
“Pandas aren’t silly. They’re misunderstood!” Cody said. “They’re not at all dumb; they just enjoy a good time. And they’re super strong. They have the bite force of a lion!”
“Super fierce,” the girl said, giggling.
“Their jaws can crush bamboo stalks like toothpicks. That’s not lazy—that’s metal.” Cody pushed his panda head up, balanced it on his head as he glared at her, and holy crap. He was pretty. For a guy.
His face was flushed and dewy in the neon light, with only a smudge of mascara under his right eye marring his masculine beauty. His mouth was plush, soft pink lips parted on a breathy, “What?” “Why do you have so many panda facts memorized?”
“You might ask why he can still say panda facts while drunk. He’s obsessed,” the girl said, giggling. “Pandas are my favorite animals, I’ve done my research. Their jaws are incredible. You don’t fuck with a panda unless you’ve got a death wish—”
The words sent a weird rush of pride through my chest.
