Page 110 of Choosing a Forever
Once again, I wonder if the church is lying.
I think about some of my other cousins, Hannah and Elli. Hannah got married young—right out of high school—and the last time I saw her, she looked miserable. Her smile never quite reached her eyes, and there was a sadness about her I don’t remember being there when we were kids.
Elli’s always been a bit more reserved, but the way she’s shrunk in on herself makes me think she’s not as okay as she wants to be. That was almost a year ago, though, so I don’t know if she’s doing any better.
I think about my girlfriend, Jamie. She’s happy.We’rehappy. So happy I’m going to be picking out a ring for her soon, and we’ll be planning our wedding.
The thought should fill me with unabashed joy, but it doesn't. There’s a small spark of excitement, but it’s not an all-consuming happiness or rightness I wish I felt.
Contentment is good. Safe, happy, healthy relationships should be the goal, and it’s what I have with Jamie. We go to church on Sundays and don’t do anything more than hold hands and kiss. One time she ended up in my lap, but I was able to stop her before she started grinding on me.
I’m not about to ruin our chances of an eternity together just because of lust.
Even if there is a small voice in the back of my head whispering maybe the rules aren’t worth following.
After Mom gives Mack the Tupperware of food, she asks me if I can stay back for just a second to talk about something.
I send Mack and the twins to the car, promising I’ll beout soon. I follow my mom back to her bedroom, where she’s wringing her hands nervously.
This conversation could go one of two ways: either she’ll berate me again for my life choices or she’ll apologize.
I’m hoping for the latter.
“Talmage,” she starts. “I’m sorry for how I reacted when you told me you were leaving the church and getting married.”
“Thank you. I appreciate your apology.”
“I just… Your father and I raised you to be a certain way, and watching one of your children stray is… difficult. You’ll figure that out when you and Mack have children.”
I hold back my wince. I knew she’d bring up kids, but I’m not going to dive into that conversation right now. Not before I know what’s up with Mack.
She continues, “It’s clear to me you’re happy with her, and even if I don’t agree with the choices you’re making, I want happiness for all of my kids. I hope one day you’ll see the truth and come back to the church—”
“No,” I cut her off. “I’m sorry, Mom, but that’s not going to happen. You can hope, but I want to give you realistic expectations about this. I’m not coming back to the church.”
Her face falls, disappointment and hurt painted all over it, and she sighs. “I want to be part of your life, Talmage. Can we put aside our differences in order to still be a family?”
“You promised you’d apologize to Mack tonight, and while you were kind to her, you didn’t. If you want to be part of my life, you have to apologize—andmeanit. Mackenzie and the twins are my family now, and I’ll choose my wife every time. You can’t be part of my life without being part of hers.”
A single tear slips from her eye, and I clench my fists. I understand she’s hurting from our disagreement, but she didn’t have to react the way she did. She could have apologized weeks ago, but she hasn’t, and she hasn’t kept up her end of the bargain today.
“I understand. I didn’t want to apologize in front of your siblings and raise more questions. Can we plan alunch or something with just the four of us? You, me, Mackenzie, and your dad?”
“I’ll talk to Mack and see what she wants to do, then I’ll let you know. I should get going since it’s a school night. Thank you for having us for dinner.”
Mom surprises me by wrapping me in a hug, sniffing as she nods. “I love you, Talmage. I’m glad you found someone who makes you happy.”
“I love you, too, mom. And so I am.”
When we get home, the girls call out a quick goodnight then head to their rooms.
I wanted to wait to tell Mack about the conversation with my mom until we were alone, so after she puts the leftovers in the fridge, we make our way downstairs.
“What did your mom say?” she asks, heading into our room.
“She wants to have lunch with us—her and my dad—so she can properly apologize.”
“Oh. Okay. Is she… does she still hate me? I thought we’d made some progress tonight.” Mack’s shoulders slump in defeat.
