Page 111 of Choosing a Forever
I wrap my arms around her waist and squeeze her to me. “We did, Firefly. She says she’s glad I found someone who makes me happy. She’s still trying to figure out how to reconcile the fact I’m choosing a forever with you, rather than a forever in the church. Said she hoped I’dcome back to church, but I told her it isn’t going to happen.”
“Do I make you happy, Tal?” she whispers.
I pull back and tip her chin so I can stare into her eyes. “I’ve never been happier, Mackenzie. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me. I’ll never regret asking you to marry me.”
I dip my head, planning on only giving her a gentle kiss, but the second my lips touch hers it’s like a fire ignites inside me.
Her hands claw at my back, and our kiss deepens. I thread my fingers through her hair and tilt her head the way I want so I can explore her mouth with my tongue. It feels like ages since I’ve tasted her, and I didn’t realize how much I was craving her until now.
I don’t want to say I know what addiction feels like, but the feeling I get when I’m kissing Mack has got to be pretty damn close. My skin buzzes with need when I haven’t touched her in more than ten minutes.
I groan into her mouth when she nips at my bottom lip. “Why does kissing you feel like taking a deep breath, but at the same time like you’ve stolen all the air from my lungs?” I murmur against her.
“I don’t know.”Kiss.“I don’t remember it feelingthisgood when we were kids.”Kiss.
I reluctantly pull back from her mouth, resting my forehead against hers. “I don’t think we felt as deeply back then as we do now. At least, I know I didn’t. I’ve always loved you, but I never felt like I might die if I didn’t get to touch you in some way—like you’re mylifesource.”
“I get it. You brought me back to life, Tal. I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.” I plant another kiss on her lips, reluctantly stopping because we need to have a conversation. “I wanted to talk to you about something… if you’re up for it.”
Mack swallows. “Is it about me not being able to get pregnant?”
“Yeah. I don’t want to make you talk about it if you’re not ready but…”
Mack sits on the bed, blowing out a breath. “But you deserve to know.” She pats the bed next to her, and I sit down. She looks at me with tears already lining her eyes. “Promise this won’t change your mind about me?”
“Cross my heart, Mack.” I reach over and give her thigh a squeeze for reassurance.
“The summer before eighth grade, I went to a summer camp and met a boy. He was going into his junior year. He and I… we started flirting. Talking. We spent the week at camp nearly glued to each other’s sides whenever we could, and I developed a crush on him. We exchanged numbers and texted after camp, and we realized we only lived a couple miles apart.
“We started hanging out, and my feelings deepened. He said he reciprocated them, and I believed him. He was my first kiss, and we started doing… other things, but we never had sex. Then, halfway through the school year, he ended things. He confessed our sexual sins to his bishop, who called my bishop, who made me repent. I was embarrassed and hurt, but then you and I became friends, and I started healing.”
I vaguely remember thinking Mack seemed a little sad when we started hanging out at school more, but I never imagined it was because of heartbreak.
She continues, “I didn’t hear from him at all, convinced he had forgotten all about me, which would have been the best case scenario. Instead, he reached out towards the end of my junior year, right after he got home from his mission, and asked to hang out. I was… kind of reckless after we broke up. I kissed a lot of boys and let them touch me because I figured the more people I could kiss, the more distance I’d put between us.
“I met up with him, and he convinced me he had changed. He told me he regretted how things ended between us and he wanted to try again. So we kept hanging out. He would pick me up and take me to the canyon or a secluded part of the lake. We’d make out and do hand stuff, but he was adamant we needed to slow down because it was wrong.” Mack shakes her head like she’s trying to dislodge the memory.
“We don’t have to talk about this, Firefly,” I whisper.
“It’s important for you to know.” She takes a deep breath. “Long story short, a month after school started, he coerced me into having sex with him. I gave him my virginity, and he… he gave me chlamydia. Then, two weeks later he broke up with me. I found out later it was because he wasin a relationship.I had no idea. I was heartbroken but also kind of relieved he was done with me because he… he was mean. He’d say terrible things to me and made me feel like I was worthless. That no one would love me like he did, but then he’d use his attention as a bargaining chip.”
Anger like I’ve never experienced bubbles in my stomach—not at Mack, never at her—but at the asshole who broke her. “Wait,” I say. “He gave you chlamydia?”
Mack nods and a tear slips out. “I didn’t know I had chlamydia until it was too late. I thought it was just a UTI that would go away or something, but it never did. I was too ashamed of my actions to ask my mom to take me to a clinic. I didn’t want her to know what I did. One morning a few weeks later, my mom came in to wake me up, and I was burning up. She took my temperature and asked me if anything else was wrong, so I told her about the symptoms I was having, and she rushed me to the hospital. They did an STI test and confirmed it was chlamydia, but… I let it go untreated for too long. I was diagnosed with Pelvic Inflammatory Disease and they removed my fallopian tubes due to the abundance of scar tissue and damage from the infection. I could technically get pregnant through IVF, but I’ve never considered the possibility.”
My heart drops into my stomach with every word coming out of her mouth. Mack has suffered for so long, longer than I even knew, and my heart breaks for her. She’s endured so much pain.
“I’m so sorry, Firefly. That’s awful. I-I had no idea. Wh-what happened with the guy?”
“Nothing. I told my mom and dad it was consensual. I couldn’t handle a court case or seeing him again. But… you remember the proposal we helped with during our show on Valentine’s Day senior year?”
“Please don’t tell me we helped that evil man propose.”
Mack gives me a sad smile. “It was one of the worst nights of my life. I got an STI and my life flipped upside down, but he got to run off into the sunset with the woman he cheated on. I didn’t have the balls to tell her, so I only hope he took care of his own STI before they had sex. Who knows how many other people he was having sex with. I was already so depressed I was barely functioning, but after that night, I… I didn’t want to be alive.”
I don’t realize I’m crying until I feel her wipe the tears away with her thumb. “Don’t cry for me, Talmage. I’m okay now.”
