Page 23 of Choosing a Forever
With a heavy sigh, Tal motions for me to sit down. I glance back at Joanna, and she gives me an encouraging nod and another knowing smile. I know I’m going to have to give her a play-by-play after.
“I think—no, not think—Iwantto leave the church. I haven’t figured out how to do it without breaking my parents’ hearts, but I don’t want to be part of it anymore.”
Whaaaaat?
I pinch my thigh to make sure this isn’t some type of dream.Ouch.No, not a dream.
“But… why?” I ask.
“Well, why didyouleave?”
I shift in the wooden chair. No way in hell I’m getting intothatwith him right now. It’s a long story wrappedin trauma and can only be told after at least two shots of tequila.
“Let’s just say my reasons for leaving the church are probably way different than yours.”
“Fair enough.” He leans forward like he’s about to share a government secret with me. “Do you know how much money the church hoards? Did you know Joseph Smith was a pedophile? Or that he lied about how he translated theBook of Mormon? Or that there’s a whole secret temple ceremony the rich men can pay for that basically absolves them of all of their sins and guarantees them entrance into The Celestial Kingdom? Do you know how many sexual abuse victims—children—are swept under the rug because the church covers it up with their fancy lawyers?”
Tal’s usual happy smile is nowhere to be seen. Instead, with every new question he asks, his lips turn down more. His eyes lose a little sparkle with every piece of information he shares. He looks genuinely distraught over these things.
“I know all of those things, yes.”
I know from personal experience how the church treats the victims of sexual abuse and rape. That was enough for me to leave, but I learned the rest of it through ex-Mormon podcasts and videos. It only solidified my choice.
Talmage shakes his head. “I never realized how terrible it was. How sexist and racist and… dishonest. I only started learning last year, and in October, my cousins pointed out even more. I just… I’m in deep, and I don’t know how to get out without blowing everything up.”
I reach across the table and grab his hand again, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze.
“I wish I could tell you it’s easy, but our situations are different. I can’t tell you how it’ll go, but…” I don’t know if I’ll regret my next words, but I say them anyway, “I’ll be here if you need help.”
Tal’s answering smile is like the clouds parting on a cloudy day.
Chapter 8
Talmage
14 years old…
Mack doesn’t see me. She throws her head back in a laugh, loud and boisterous, and my smile spreads across my face.
I didn’tforgethow beautiful she is, but seeing her again in person after two weeks makes me appreciate it even more.
As if she can sense my presence, her head turns to me, and she excuses herself from the group, rushing towards me with open arms.
“Bear! I missed you so much. Did you have a good break?”
“Missed you, too, Firefly. Yeah. It was fun. How was yours?”
“It was good. I have a late Christmas present for you.” She grabs my hand and pulls me towards her locker, twisting the knob and pulling it open before she reaches in and grabs a familiar notebook from her backpack.
“I thought maybe we could start trading the notebook back and forth. You could draw in it, I could write in it, or we could just leave notes for each other.”
“This is perfect.”
She smiles again, wider than before.“Yeah? You don’t think it’s silly?”
“Not at all. I think it’s kind of… romantic.”
“Thank you so much, Mack. It means a lot to me.” I didn’t come here to tell her about my deconstruction journey, though, so I squeeze her hand again and clear my throat. “I mentioned earlier I have something I want to talk to you about.”
