Page 25 of Choosing a Forever
Mack shakes her head. “I’m not the girl for you, Talmage. I appreciate you wanting to help, but I can’t tie you down like this. You should be with some perky, wholesome girl who wants to have a million babies and will have dinner waiting for you after a long shift. Not someone who is barely scraping by, in charge of keeping two teenagers alive, and so exhausted she barely has the energy to reheat a frozen dinner.”
But I don’t want that. I wantyou.
Mack continues, “Besides, you deserve to marry someone for love. Not for… pity or whatever this is. You don’t owe me, Tal, if that’s what you’re thinking. Whatever happened between us is in the past, and it should stay there.”
Ouch.Her words slice through me, flaying me open. It’s obvious she doesn’t still feel something for me, even if I was hoping she did.
“It’snotpity, and I don’t feel like I owe you, Mack. Like I said, this would be helpful for me, too. Heck, you can even help me! You can teach me how to be an ex-mo. Drink coffee, drink alcohol, swear… that kind of stuff. Getting to help you is just a bonus.”
Mack eyes me. “You’veneversaid a swear word, have you?”
I shake my head. “Not even when I almost fell into an ash pit.”
“Not even shit?”
“Not even… no.”
“I think you should take some time to think about this. If this is just some impulsive decision—”
“It isn’t,” I interrupt. “I’ve thought about it. I’ve done the research on my insurance. I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to think of another way to help you, but getting married feels like the best option—for both of us.”
This sounds crazy. Itiscrazy. But I feel calm and at peace with this decision. It feels like the jumbled mess that is my life is finally starting to arrange itself into pieces that make sense.
Marry Mack, leave the church, learn to be happy.
“How long do you plan on us staying married? Surely you have a time frame. Stipulations? Something.”
I didn’t think that far ahead. But of course, she wouldn’t want to staymarried after she no longer needs insurance. That gives us at least ten years together, right? Unless the twins get on their own insurance before they’re twenty-six. After that, she’ll probably want to leave Utah and find a guy who can curse and knows things about coffee and wants to get matching tattoos.
My heart already hurts thinking about us getting a divorce, and she hasn’t even agreed to marry me. It still feels like a good idea, even if in my head I don’t want it to end.
“Until you can either get a job with better insurance or a higher paying job. Or maybe until your sisters turn twenty-six or get a job with their own insurance? We can figure it out.” It doesn’t sound like a solid answer, but I don’t have anything better at the moment.
Mack’s lips roll into her mouth before she shakes her head. “I don’t… I don’t know, Tal. This seems like a crazy idea.”
She’s considering it, though. It isn’t a “no.” Hope flutters in my chest. There’s still a chance.
“You don’t have to answer right now. I can give you time to think about it. I think it would be good for you. You wouldn’t have to keep working here and—”
“What’s wrong with working here?” she snaps back.
“N-nothing! Nothing. I only meant you wouldn’t have to work yourself to the bone just to buy Harper’s stuff. I didn’t mean it in a negative way.”
“Sorry for snapping. People can be judgy about working in a bar.”
“It’s okay, Mack.” My phone buzzes with my alarm—time to get to the station. “I’m sorry, but I have to get to work. I’ll text you to set up another time to talk. Promise you’ll think about it?”
Mack sighs and rubs her hands on her thighs. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”
I stand, offering her a hand to help her up from the chair and pulling her into a hug before she can scramble away from me. Having her in my arms settles some of the nerves in my chest.
“I’ll talk to you soon, Firefly,” I say against her hair. I feel more than hear her small gasp, and I wonder if I crossed a line using the nickname I gave her as a teenager.
She steps away and clears her throat. “Bye, Tal. Have a good day—or night, I guess—at work.”
“Thanks, Mack. You, too. Text me when you get home so I know you’re safe, okay?”
She nods, and I walk out of the bar.
