Page 28 of Choosing a Forever
I wish I could just turn them off. Shove them in a box and toss them into the ocean. Or set them on fire.
“You really think I should do it, though?”
“Hell yeah. Let him help you. Who knows? Maybe you’ll rekindle the old flame.”
“Not happening. I’m keeping my heart locked in a vault, thank you very much.”
“Okay, keep your heart locked away but take the boy to Pound Town. Let him get his dick wet, and show him a good time.”
“Elizabeth Marie Mikkelson!” I scold, but Lizzie is unaffected by it. She just cackles.
The conversation—thankfully—shifts to other things, but as the night goes on, my anxiety grows.
When Lizzie leaves and I’m left alone with my thoughts, I spiral. I should give him an answer soon.
But does the benefit of having Harper’s insulin paid for outweigh the potential damage to my already barely hanging on heart? Is it selfish of me to say no simply because I don’t want to give my heart another reason to get attached to him?
I’ve had over ten years to get over him, but for whatever reason, my heart’s kept him close.
I don’t know if I can handle another devastation when our marriage inevitably ends.
But this would be for Harper. To make sure she can get the best care possible and not worry that I won’t be able to afford enough insulin next month.
I already know what I’m going to do, I just have to remember to keep my heart in check.
I open the front door,expecting a pizza delivery, but it’s not a delivery driver. It’s Talmage, soaked from head to toe because of the rain. His chest is heaving like he’s been running.
“Talmage?” I whisper. “What are you doing here?”
He steps forward, close enough for me to see the lighter hues of blue in his eyes. “I’m here to tell you I love you, Mackenzie Thorpe. My heart has always been yours.”
“Wh-what are you talking about? You’re engaged.”
He shakes his head. “I broke it off with her. I never should have been with her in the first place, it’s always beenyou.”
“I’ve been waiting so long, Tal,” I admit through a sob. “How do I know you won’t leave me again?”
“I’m sorry, Firefly. I promise, my heart is yours. I’m yours forever. Please, Mack, I need you.”
“Kiss me, Talmage. Show me.”
Talmage steps forward, his hands cupping my face and leaning in, his breath fanning across my lips as—
I jolt awake, my eyes shooting open. I glance at the clock and see it’s almost 4 a.m., the normal time my brain comes back to reality after my dreams.
They always end before I can kiss Talmage.
Frustrated tears burn behind my eyes like usual after a dream where he’s confessed his feelings. Where he swoops in likea knight to save me.
Before he came back into my life, my dreams left me sad and angry. Angry that my brain would betray me and give me a glimpse of a future I could have.
Now, it feels like a sick form of torture because he’s back and offering a future where he’s in it but not in the way I want.
If I say yes to him, he has the ability to crush my heart into a million tiny pieces.
If I say no, I’ll most likely lose him again, and I’ll have to keep working myself to the bone in order to keep me and the twins afloat.
Either way, my heart is at risk, and I don’t have the strength to handle another heartbreak.
