Page 57 of Choosing a Forever
We’re never breaking up. We’re forever.
“What are you going to do all summer when he’s at Scout camp?”
I shrug. He won’t have a phone, so we can’t text. No computer access either. I guess we’ll write letters.
“I’ll be busy with all of my camps, so I’m sure it’ll fly by.”
I still can’t believe Lizzie gave Tal a Costco sized box of condoms. And blurted out I can’t get pregnant. Talmage is going to have so many questions, and I don’t blame him, but I don’t want to relive the reasons why.
I shake my head and sink deeper into the bubbly water. I’m supposed to be relaxing, not wondering if I can put a curse on my best friend so every time she’s about to have sex, her vagina turns green. There would be nothing wrong with her medically—I’m notthatmean—but it would be pretty off-putting to have a green vagina.
Another wave of embarrassment washes over me. Why the fuck would she do that? She knows we’re not going to have sex. This isn’t that kind of marriage. We’re not having a sex marathon for our wedding night like a normal couple, and even if we were, I…
I wouldn’t want to use condoms.
I would want to feel every bare inch of him.
Stop it. You’re going to get yourself worked up for nothing, and then you’ll have to share a bed withhim.
I grab my Kindle and fire it up, opening it to where I left off in the second chance romance I’m reading.
How ironic.
But this isn’t a second chance for me and Tal, is it? Life isn’t a romance novel. People don’t fall back in love decades later and live happily ever after. The man who broke my heart as a teenager isn’t still harboring feelings for me and wishing I’d give him another opportunity.
Men as sweet and lovely as Talmage Monson don’t fall for shattered, broken girls like me.
This story sort of mirrors ours, though, and it’s a mind trip.
High school sweethearts who broke up and went their separate ways, only for a tragedy to bring them both back to their hometown. He’s an ex-Marine with experience in first response, and she’s a trauma nurse. They get thrown together on a taskforce to help the victims of a hurricane after it wreaks havoc on their town.
I’m at the point where the tension has built so much, if they don’t kiss soon, I’m going to want to throw my e-reader in the bathtub. The way he thinks about her is so fucking sweet, and she has no idea he’s still head over heels in love with her. She thinks his flirting is just what he does—that he’s a playboy who doesn’t want to settle down.
I relate to her character because she’s been burned before and doesn’t want to open her heart again. She’s scared to let the feelings consume her and then be shattered when he leaves.
But his point of view shows he wants another chance with her. He wants it all, and he’ll do whatever he can to prove it.
Eventually, the characters and their descriptions don’t matter anymore. My brain puts me and Talmage in their places. The words said between them become things I wish would be said between us, and that’s when I know it’s time to call it quits. It’s a slippery slope to heartbreak if I continue thinking Tal and I could have a real second chance.
The water’s gone cold, anyway, so I get out of the tub and dry myself off, cursing when I realize I forgot to bring clothes in with me. I listen for footsteps but don’t hear anything. Talmage must not be back yet, so I should be safe to walk out and grab clothes.
I wrap the towel around myself as best as I can, but these towels aren’t big enough to cover everything. There’s a two-inch gap at my side, and the towel barely covers half of my ass.
Good thing Tal’s not here. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to walk out there barely covered. He’d probably be scandalized by my nudity or disgusted by my body.
I’ve always been on the bigger side, even when I was dancing for fifteen hours a week in high school, but my body has changed since then. I’m rounder in my stomach, and my thighs are riddled with cellulite and stretch marks. Working so much and dealing with the aftermath of losing my parents made it so I barely thought about my body the last few years. I wasn’t dating, so I didn't have to worry about what anyone else thought about me, either.
But now, I have a husband who will be sleeping next to me, and I’m suddenly feeling very self-conscious.
I peek around the door just to be safe and find the room empty. I rush over to the dresser and pull out along sleeve shirt and flannel pajama pants. I usually run hot at night and sleep in an oversized T-shirt, but I don’t want to flash Tal in the middle of the night. I’ll just have to suffer and sweat and hope I can get some semblance of sleep.
Ha. As if. I’ll be lucky if my body relaxes at all.
I’ve just hung up my towel and turned to put my clothes on when the door swings open, and Tal walks in with a duffle bag in one hand and a suit bag in the other.
His mouth drops open, and the duffle thunks onto the floor. I squeal, trying to cover my body with my arms. It doesn’t fucking work, though, because my tits are too big to be covered by one arm and the other one is trying to cover my vagina.
Talmage drops the suit bag like it’s on fire and immediately turns around and covers his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think to knock!” he squeaks out.
