Page 78 of Choosing a Forever
I thought I’d already experienced heartbreak. I thought I knew what true agony felt like, but it’s nothing compared to the way Talmage Monson has ripped my heart to pieces.
The saddest part is, I still love him. Still want him.
I think I always will.
Tomorrow, I’ll have to get on the bus with him again.
Tomorrow, I’ll have to go to school and pretend I’m not dying on the inside.
Tomorrow, I’ll have to answer questions about why Talmage and I don’t sit next to each other anymore.
But tonight, I’ll cry until I don’t have anymore tears.
Surely, I must have heard him wrong.
Talmage wenttwenty-eight yearswithout masturbating? Is that evenhealthy?
I truly don’t know what to say, what to think.
He was so turned on by you he couldn’t control himself anymore!The hopeless romantic in me who refuses to die and has read way too many romance novels squeals.
Noooope. No. I can’t think like that.
But damn it. Seeing what was on his phone and the books he had out didn’t upset me. It turned me on a little.
Okay, a lot.
It’s like once I finally admitted to myself I am—still—in love with my fake husband, my body started gearing up to be fucked. The occasional horny thought I used to have when I read something spicy has turned into a full-bodyneed.Even though we haven’t so much as kissed in over three weeks. I haven’t seen him naked. We’ve barely even touched.
God, the kiss on our wedding day feels like a lifetime ago.
I haven’t had time to get myself off because we’ve been stuck in the house together most of the last week—which has only amplified my desire for him.
I’m not the kind of girl who can get herself off standing up in the shower. I have to have something to reador listen to while I do it, or I can’t focus, and I need the space to spread out so I can enjoy myself.
“You’re telling me you’ve never touched yourself? In your entire life? Not once?”
Tal nods rapidly. “Not until we got married. You know what the church teaches. It was one of the rules that scared me the most, but when we got married, I figured, good enough. I could…do thatand not feel like I was breaking any rules because I was married.”
I blink at him, still trying to process. “So, you’ve never…orgasmed…until three weeks ago?”
Tal gives me a sheepish grin and shrugs. “The body will find a way to get a release if it needs to, but I’ve never actively sought out an orgasm.”
I tilt my head, confused. How can he have had an orgasm without—oh.
Ohhhhhh.
“Got it. Right. Yeah. That… makes sense.” I clear my throat. “Like I said, I was just shocked. You can look at or read whatever you want. If you decide you want to go find someone to—”
“No!” he practically barks, then takes a deep breath. “No, I don’t need—orwant—to find someone to do anything with. If I’m not going to be…intimatewith my wife, I sure as hell am not going to go out and find someone else.”
Good lord. Is it hot in here?
I want to ask him if hewantsto be intimate with me. I want to ask him if he’s thought about me the way I’ve thought about him.
My entire body flushes as I conjure an image of Tal, his strong frame leaning against thewall of the shower, his cock in his hand. Is he a moaner? I feel like he’d make so many noises of pleasure. Would he whimper and beg for me to make him feel good? I bet if I wrapped my hand around him, he’d be putty in my hands, and I could make him come in two minutes. Or if I put him in my mouth…
Do I have a corruption kink?
