Page 39 of Choosing a Forever
I wish we could stay in our bubble forever.
I don’t remember the last time I was in a restaurant this nice.
When I was little, my parents used to take me to Red Lobster for my birthday, and I consideredthatnice, so maybe never? There was the one time my ex took me to a steakhouse in California, but it was basically just a glorified Texas Roadhouse. He said it was fancy, and maybe to him it was but definitely not fancy likethis.
There are fake lemon trees creating a canopy over the dining room, the branches hold small rectangle lantern lights giving it a soft ambiance. Instrumental music plays quietly through hidden speakers. Each table has a singleyellow rose in a vase in the middle of a crisp white tablecloth—except for ours. In the middle of our table is a large bouquet of pink calla lilies, my favorite flowers.
When I asked Talmage why ours was different, he shrugged and said, “They’re your favorite.”
I don’t know how he remembers. I think I mentioned it to him once when I was fifteen. My taste could have changed, I could have a different favorite flower, but even if I did, I’d still be floored by him remembering something I said in passing over a decade ago and made a point to get them for me.
It nearly brought me to tears. No one’s ever bought me flowers. Past boyfriends have always given excuses that they don’t want to buy something bound to die, or they didn’t know what flowers to get, even if I told them my favorite.
Tal and I are fake engaged. This is our first real date, and he’s already raised the bar for future partners.
Ugh. Don’t think about this ending before it’s even begun. Don’t ruin tonight.
Even though I could have used some liquid courage to calm my nerves, I ordered a strawberry lemonade to go with my dinner instead of a cocktail or a glass of wine so I could keep my wits about me. Who knows what I’d say after a little alcohol loosened my tongue. Tal ordered Brie en croute to share as an appetizer, and it’sso good.I’ve never had fig jam, but the creamy brie balances the tart sweetness of it deliciously. I’ve never had anything like it before, and after subsisting off of mostly boxed and frozen meals, it tastes like heaven.
Tal has been peppering me with questions about my week, about my sisters, and sharing things he’s been upto. He tells me about a group of preschoolers who came to the station for a field trip, asking a million questions about how they put out fires. Siren apparently loves field trip days because the kids give the best scratches.
It all feels so… normal. Like we’ve been doing this for years.
I don’t—can’t—trust the familiarity.
I’m having a hard time remembering that while we knew each other as teens, we’ve both changed. The same things that were true as teenagers aren’t true now. My heart wants to pick up right where we left off, act like we weren’t apart for thirteen years. But my brain knows it’s not possible.
It would be easy to go back to how things were when I was fifteen. Before… everything else happened.
But I can’t. I can’t change the past. All I can do is move forward one step at a time.
Apparently, with Talmage.
God, my sisters were so annoying about him. I told them I was seeing someone, and Kinsley wouldn’t leave me alone.
Who is he? Is he hot? Is he rich? Will he be sleeping over? Does he know you’re boring? What does he do? Does he have any social media? Does he make thirst traps? Isheboring?
We had to have a chat about what is and isn’t appropriate for her to be watching on social media, and thirst traps are in the “absolutely not” column.
She disagreed; it’s a battle I’m not going to win, so I dropped it. I don’t want to be a helicopter guardian, but I try to make sure they’re being safeonline.
Harper’s not as nosy as Kinsley, thankfully. Or maybe she’s just not as vocal about it. Not that Kinsley would let her get a word in. I don’t know if Kins just… soaked up all the obnoxiousness in the womb, but while she gave me a thorough interrogation, all Harp asked was"Does he make you happy?”
And fuck me if that didn’t make me want to cry. I told her he did, and she nodded in approval and said she hopes it works out before she turned back to the script she was studying.
I told Kinsley I would tell her about him after tonight because I don’t know if Talmage has told his family, and Lacey is in the musical with Harper. I don’t think Harper would gossip to anyone, but I don’t need to cause any more issues with his family. His mom is probably going to blow a gasket about us being together as it is. The last thing we need is for Laurie to find out from her teenage daughter her oldest is marrying the girl she despises.
I understandnowwhy Laurie thought I was bad for Talmage. She thought I was corrupting him, which… I guess in a way I was. I made him break his “no kissing until marriage” vow or whatever. But we never went past kissing and holding hands. The occasional cuddle at a movie night with all of our friends is hardly salacious.
I can only imagine how she’ll feel about me now with my piercings and tattoos and him marrying me on a whim. She’ll probably never know the real reason we’re getting married. I almost wish she did, though. Then maybe it would soften the blow. Or maybe it would upset her even more. Maybe she’d tell me I’m using him and taking advantage of his kindness.
Joke’s on her, I already feel that way about myself.
We each have our entrées now, and we’ve been eating them in relative silence. My scallop risotto is creamy, and the scallops melt in my mouth, but it’s hard to focus on enjoying the meal when my anxiety is swirling.
“Have you told your parents about us yet?” I blurt out, unable to let myself sit with my questions any longer.
Talmage calmly sets down the knife he’s using to cut his steak and swallows harshly. “I haven’t. I plan on doing it soon, but I wanted to make things official first.”
