Page 60 of Choosing a Forever
But she’s made it clear it’s not what she wants. And I’ll respect her wishes.
I guess my hand and I will be gettingveryacquainted.
Hopefully purposeful masturbation will put an end to the wet dreams.
I quickly rinse myself off and get out of the shower. I dry off and start to put on my usual underwear of the church issued garments when I pause.
This day signifies new beginnings. A chance for me to start living howIwant and not how the church tells me to.
I haven’t worn regular underwear in ten years—I don’t even own any. But I can buy some tomorrow. I can go commando for a few hours, right?
I slip on my gray sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt before I grab the rest of my garments from the drawer and take them upstairs.
Mack’s standing at the stove, stirring something in a pot.
“Do you have a pair of scissors?”
Mack turns around, and when she sees the pile of white cloth, her eyebrows shoot up. “What are you doing?”
I plop them on the couch. “I’m starting my new life! The first step is to get rid of the garments. I need to cut the symbols off.”
Mack tilts her head. “You know if you just… throw them away, nothing bad will happen, right? They teach you to cut the symbols off because they think people will use them for evil.”
Huh. That never occurred to me. “You’re right. I guess Idon’thave to cut the symbols off. Should I just go toss them in the trash?”
Mack shrugs. “They make excellent cleaning rags if you’d rather get some use out of them. There are scissors in the drawer by the fridge. The food should be ready in about ten minutes.”
I grab the scissors and start cutting my garment tops into rectangles. It feels symbolic to be doing this. Like cutting them up is cutting the last ties to the religion that has caused so many people harm.
I know it’s not true because I have to remove my records, but still. It’s cathartic, and I feel lighter with every piece I cut.
When Mack tells me the food’s ready, I’m about eighty percent through my pile, so I stop and sit next to her at the island.
“Will you help me pick out underwear tomorrow? It’s been a long time since I’ve worn something other than garments, and there are so many options, I don’t know what I’ll like.”
Mack’s head whips to me. “Are you… not wearing underwear right now?”
I shrug. “No. I didn’t want to put the garments on, and I don’t have any other underwear. I figure I’ll be fine until tomorrow morning.”
Mack blinks her big green eyes at me. They dart down, like she’s trying to verify, but the counter blocks her line of sight. Blood rushes south at the idea of her checking me out.
She clears her throat and turns back to her food, shaking her head slightly. “Right. Yeah. Okay. Sounds… good. I can definitely help you shop for new underwear.”
I grin. “Thanks, Mack. I appreciate it.”
Once I’m finished with my food, I place my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and find a pad of paper and a pen. “All right, wifey. Let’s make a grocery list.”
Chapter 22
Mackenzie
15 years old…
With the school year ending, Tal and I have been spending every minute we can together.
I’m anxious about this summer. What if he decides he doesn’t want me anymore? What if he realizes I’m not as great as he thought? What if he meets someone else?
Everything will be fine. We’re meant to be.
