Page 66 of Choosing a Forever
Kinsley has been talking in depth about her science fair project for the last ten minutes, explaining the different variables and constants and her method of testing various types of sugar and sugar substitutes on yeast energy output.
I wondered why we had so many different kinds of artificial sweeteners in our cupboard and why she needed to buy yeast when we don’t bake.
It’s not that I’m uninterested in her science project, but to them, my role is still as their older sister—not their parent. Sure, I pay the bills and run the household, but they don’t see me as a parental figure they want to go to for help. I’m just the grouchy older sister who won’t let Kins pierce her belly button. I tried to ask Kins about it once, and she told me she didn’t want to have to explain it to me, so I let her be.
Guilt over not trying hard enough with her—with either of them—makes the tender meat in my mouth turn to ash. I should have asked again. I shouldn’t have waited for them to come to me. I should have tried harder. I’ve been in survival mode for so long I didn’t stop to thinkabout how it was affecting our relationship. They each attend therapy, which is helpful, but is it enough?
“That’s why artificial sweeteners like stevia won’t activate yeast,” Kinsley finishes her monologue with a flourish.
Tal nods. “That’s fascinating. I never considered the possibility of using something other than plain sugar or honey to activate yeast. It’s really cool you qualified for the state level for your project, Kinsley. You should be proud of yourself.”
For the first time in a while, Kinsley looks almost bashful. “Thanks, Talmage.”
“Hopefully Mack and I can come support you. When is it again?”
“My presentation day is on March eleventh. If I win, then I’m eligible to go to the International Science Fair in San Antonio in May. I-if we can afford it. I’d have to pay for the plane ticket out there, but they cover the cost of the hotel and food.” She looks at me hesitantly.
I want her to be able to go if she wins, and maybe now that I won’t have to shell out hundreds of dollars a month to big pharma for Harper’s medicine, I can send her.
Tal nods. “Oh, that’s cool! My cousin Izzy lives in San Antonio with her boyfriend, and her sister, Elli, lives in San Marcos with her fiancé. Maybe we could all make a trip, I’d love an excuse to visit them. I’ve never been to Texas.”
Harper, Kinsley, and I all pause our eating and blink at him. The last family vacation we took together was when the twins were seven and I was twenty. I met them in Seattle, and we visited all the touristy spots. It was roughbecause they were still young and didn’t want to do all the grown-up things I wanted to do. When they were nine, they came to visit me in California after they went to Disneyland. I had to work, so I couldn’t go with them. It was the last time I saw them before…
“We’ve never really been on a family vacation,” Kinsley blurts out.
“Well, no better time to start, then! It’ll be fun. Even if you don’t get into the international competition—which I think you will—we should plan a summer trip. Your birthdays are in July, right?”
Harper and Kinsley nod. How did he know that? I don’t remember telling him.
Tal grins. “We can go somewhere to celebrate your sweet sixteen! Unless you’d rather have a party. We can talk about it when it gets a little closer. I have another cousin in San Diego, though, and I’m sure she’d be ecstatic to meet you all, if that’s somewhere you’d want to go.”
“Can we go to The Observatory North Park if we go to San Diego? Or Balboa Theatre? Or The Old Globe? I’ve always wanted to see a show there.” Harper’s eyes are wide and excited, something I don’t see often. She doesn’t get hyped about things the way Kinsley does, but her passion for theatre gets her talking more than any other subject.
“Oh my gosh, Balboa Theatre isstunning.We’ll have to go.” Talmage nods, matching her enthusiasm.
Kinsley’s nose crinkles. “If we go to the theatre, we have to go to the Fleet Science Center.”
Tal chuckles. “It’s for your birthday, of course we’ll do something each of you wants to do.”
My head is spinning. He’s making plans for five months from now? I could have a job with better benefits by then. We could be starting our divorce proceedings. We agreednotto get attached, and now he’s planning a fucking family vacation?
How much money does he make if he can afford to be talking about a vacation to San Diego, anyway? I have no idea what a firefighter makes, and he’s a captain—whatever that means. Does it come with a big pay raise?
By the time I come back to the conversation, Harper is talking about the latest musical drama. She’s more animated than I’ve seen her in a long time, and the guilt comes back.
Have I not been giving them what they need emotionally? Have I been a bad sister, a bad guardian? I thought they didn’t want to talk about their personal lives, but they’re opening up to Talmage in a way that makes me thinkI’mthe problem.
“…and they told me I was going to be paired with this boy I really like—” Harper clamps her mouth shut, and her fair skin turns scarlet.
Oh God, they’re going to start dating soon! No! I’m not ready!
“No, no, continue. Tell me about this boy. You know, your sister and I were paired together during many of our school musicals.”
Harper’s eyes dart to me, and I give her an encouraging smile. I’m determined to make sure they feel comfortable talking about this stuff with me. I want them to know they can come to me no matter what.
“W-well, his name is Jeremy. He’s in the same grade as me. He’s talented and funny, and he’s very kind. Hechecks in with me to make sure my blood sugar levels are good and even offered me a Capri-Sun when I was low one day.” Harper looks how I imagine I did when I was her age talking about Tal: googly-eyed and wistful, with a lovestruck smile on her face.
“Are you going to ask him out?” Tal asks.
