Page 95 of Choosing a Forever
“Your sexual aura is a mix of violet and orange today,” she states.
I roll my eyes. “All right, holy one, what does that mean?”
Lizzie sits back and crosses her arms. “Well, usually, your sexual aura is barely prominent, my friend, so the fact I can see it at all speaks for itself. I get the feeling something’s happened, something’s changed, and you want to seduce your husband. You want to make love to him. You want to feel your souls connecting in an irreversible way.”
What the fuck? How does she do that?
I squint at her. “What do you know?”
Lizzie shrugs. “I just know what your aura is telling me, babe. And sinceyouwon’t tell me the truth, I have to rely on my intuition, and my intuition is rarely wrong.”
She’s right. I wouldn’t say she’s psychic, but Lizzie’s always had the third-eye-knowing-things-before-they-happen sense I wish I had. It’s the only reason I told her about what happened to me in high school. She stuck around until I caved and spilled my guts to her. When she discovered tarot and crystals and started reading auras, it only got worse. I don’t know how she does it.
“Fine, we’ve been intimate, he… I don’t want to go into the details, but I will admit, Ireallywant to fuck my husband. But I’m not going to, and you already know why. So please, just drop it.”
Lizzie shakes her head. “Nah, babe. I’m not going to drop it anymore. You need someone to give you permission to give in, to letgo, and that’s what I’m doing. You’re hurting yourself by keeping your feelings locked away. You’ve been trying to keep the lid closed on your box of emotions surrounding Tal for over a decade, Mack. It’s not healthy. What’s the worst thatcould happen if you open them up and let them loose again?”
Frustrated tears burn behind my eyes, but I blink them back. “Our marriage is purely transactional—”
“Don’t give me that bullshit excuse again. You know damn well Talmage wouldn’t have married you out of pity. And you didn’t agree just because he offered.”
“He’s going to leave eventually! And then what? I’ll have to pick up the shattered pieces of my heartagainand try to move on. I barely survived our breakup when we were fifteen, and I didn’t have the same experience I do now—didn’t havehimthe way I do now. I can’t keep losing everyone I love, Lizzie.”
Lizzie’s eyes soften, and she reaches across the table to grab my hand. “I don’t think he’s going anywhere, Mack. You don’t see the way he looks at you because you’re too scared you’ll look at him the same way, and he’ll know.”
“How does he look at me?” I whisper.
“Like his whole world revolves aroundyou.He couldn’t take his eyes off of you during your wedding, and all through lunch, his focus was solely on you. Talmage is down bad, and you’re hurting both of you by not giving in to your feelings.”
“What if you’re just seeing things, and he doesn’t actually feel that way?”
“If I’m wrong, I will personally supply all the alcohol you’ll need for a breakup bender.”
“I’m scared,” I admit quietly.
“I know you are. But just… trust me on this, okay?”
I nod, at a loss for what else to say. I do trust her, but I’m not sure I’m strong enoughto open up first. If Talmage were to admit to feeling something more, maybe then I’d feel like I could voice my own feelings, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon.
The house is eerily quiet when I get home, which isn’t odd, but I know Kins and Harper don’t have any extracurriculars today, and they didn’t mention going out with friends.
I double-check my phone to make sure there are no new notifications, but my screen is blank.
Panic slithers up my spine, but I tamp it down. They can’t drive yet, so if they’re not here, maybe they just forgot to tell me they were going out. Talmage’s car is here, so he must be downstairs drawing or something. I’ll just text the twins to make sure they’re okay.
MACK:Are you two home? Where are you?
KINS:OMG we’re fiiiineeee. Tal took us to Tylie’s house for a sleepover.
HARP:We thought Talmage told you, sorry if we worried you.
MACK:It’s okay. Text me if you need something.
HARP:We will. Have a good night
KINS:Yeah, a REALLY good night
Okay…
