Page 22 of Willow Embers
I open my mouth to snap back, then close it again. Pulling in a deep breath, I look out through the French doors leading out onto my mom’s back porch.
“I can’t do this again with him.” Tears burn the corners of my eyes, and I blink them back. “I won’t.”
When I glance at Chelle, her expression is filled with care and concern. “Why not?”
The answer sits like a weight in my chest.
Because it’ll hurt too much.
Because I shut that part of myself down after Beauden, and I don’t know how to open it back up.
And mostly, because I’m scared.
“Oh, Nixie.” She slides off the stool and wraps me in a hug. “I’m sorry.”
That’s when the dam breaks. For the second time in less than a day, I find myself choking back sobs that hurt my heart.
When I finally find my voice, it’s weak and watery. “I want to hate him. So much. But I don’t. I’m not sure I ever did. And I just can’t go through it all again.”
She pulls back to look me in the eyes. “Then don’t. If that man isn’t willing to fight to keep you, he doesn’t deserve you.”
Chewing on my bottom lip, I nod. Because she cut straight to the root of my fear with one sentence. I don’t know for sure what I would have said if he’d tried to stop me from leaving when we were at my car. Or if he’d asked me to breakfast. Or even if he could call me later.
I might have said no, but at least I would’ve known he still cared.
It doesn’t matter though, because he didn’t do any of those things. He just stood there and watched me leave.
TWELVE
BEAUDEN
“What the hell, Beauden?”Breigh’s angry voice spills from my phone, and I hold it away from my ear as I turn the volume down.
“Good morning to you too,” I say, though I’m sure my tone lets her know I’m in anything but a good mood.
I still have ten days off before me and my crew head back out for another deployment, but part of me is itching to go now. This time of year, when the wind is warm, the nights are cool, and half the country is a tinderbox just waiting to go up in flames, we have our hands full fighting blazes.
Every fire is different. There’s no telling where we’ll end up from one deployment to the next. And the work is hot and hard. But it’s still easier than facing the reality of losing Nixie again.
Not that I ever really got her back.
Breigh huffs on the other end of the line. “Tell me you are not this big of an idiot.”
I grind my teeth. I knew the second I saw her name pop up on my phone that she’d talked to Nixie. We swapped numbers whenI moved back to town a couple of years ago, but she hasn’t called me even once since then.
When I don’t respond, she adds, “She’s leaving town. You know that, right?”
“I am aware,” I bite out, and it feels like someone is holding my heart in their fist and squeezing.
“And you’re just going to let her go?” I can hear the disbelief in her voice.
Honestly, I know how she feels. I’ve been at war with myself since the moment Nixie and I bumped into each other at the bar. That was all it took to wrench me back in time and remind me how much I was missing her in my life.
But I’m not sure she wants anything to do with me.
“She didn’t really give me the impression that she has any interest in staying,” I say.
“So you are that big of an idiot.”
