Page 40 of Hooked on a Demon
“And how did you feel?”
Turning her head to look back at Colson, she breathes deeply, trying to make it appear that she’s steadying her emotions before she speaks. “I was hurt, obviously. But I understood he couldn’t leave. So I did what I do best and managed.”
“And that wasn’t hard? To be on your own, in pain, facing the reality of your career, something you had worked so long to achieve, crashing down around you?” he probes.
Eliana wants to tell him to back off. To stop trying to get her to admit what she hasn’t admitted to anyone. But she doesn’t. Instead, she tells him what he wants her to say. “It was devastating. I had worked for years to get where I was and finally achieve my dream. I was a principal dancer in a professional production, and I loved every aspect of my work. So yes, to have it all crumble around me because of a shitty landing was quite literally life-altering.” Her voice rises, the anger she’s fought so hard to keep at bay breaking through the box she’s kept it in. “I mean, I came back to the town that I thought I had outgrown and left in the past. It’s embarrassing. So yeah, it’s been fucking hard,” she says, crossing her arms across her chest as she sits back roughly.
“From the sounds of it, you’ve had some significant life changes, left an abusive relationship, and are now entering into a new situation with someone else. Which, to me, shows that while your body has physically healed from your surgeries, mentally, you are still dealing with the fresh scab. There’s so much regrowth that needs to happen, yet.”
Eliana scoffs. “So what, I’m not mentally well enough to be in a relationship?”
Colson leans forward, placing his pad and pen on the desk beside him. Taking his glasses off, he huffs a breath on the lenses before cleaning them with the bottom of his sweater as he says, “No. Not at all. I think you’re perfectly capable of having a healthy relationship, but your reaction to how he touched you makes sense, and the fact that you’re here talking about it and talking to him shows that you’re making progress. What I think you need to remember is that your body has a memory too, and you need to give it, and your mind, time to…” he pauses, “recalibrate.As I said, we’ll return to your defense of Sam and the grace you’ve shown him, but you must recognize it was an abusive relationship and that managing its effects will take time. You also need to prepare yourself for the fact that certain things may always trigger you and bring you back to that space with Sam. And that’s okay. What matters is that you don’t stay there.”
Your body has a memory, too.That statement, out of everything Colson said, sticks with her. There is no way that Declan could have known that grasping her wrist would have had the impact on her as it did.Shedidn’t even know it would make her shut down like that. But the instant it happened, it was as if she were back there with Sam.
“Unfortunately, we are out of time today. But we can pick up here at our next session.”
“Okay,” Eliana replies, her voice feeling small as she’s still stuck on that statement.Your body has a memory, too.
“Eliana,” Colson says, calling her attention to him. Her eyes meet his, and she’s greeted with compassion and empathy. “You did great today. It was a heavy talk, and you shared openly. Thank you. I don’t take for granted how hard this can be.”
She smiles briefly at him, not really knowing what to say, before gathering her things, sliding her shoes back on, and leaving his office.
“Your body has a memory, too,” she says under her breath as she gets into her car.Well, shit. What else does it remember that she’s tucked away?
CHAPTER25
Declan
Buckley bounds down the hall, a big bear of black fur bouncing as he runs to meet Declan at the front door. It’s been a long day. The extra hours at the theater mean that poor Buckley has spent more time on his own lately than Declan would prefer.
“Hi, bubba,” Declan says, leaning down to ruffle Buckley’s fur. The beast’s head tilts, and his sizeable pink tongue lolls out of his mouth happily as his tail thumps loudly against the wall. “Let me shower quickly, then we can go outside and play for a bit,” he says, as if Buckley understands reason.
Declan tosses his keys on the counter before making his way to the ensuite and hopping in the shower. Feeling clean again, he dresses and heads outside with Buckley. The giant ball of fur gallops around the yard, chasing after and catching the ball each time Declan throws it, bringing it back again and again. As Declan tosses the ball for what feels like the hundredth time, he hears the sliding door close behind him.
Buckley charges toward the new guest, their arrival more important than the slobber-covered tennis ball.
“Ooomph.”
Declan turns to see Everest on his ass, Buckley standing over him with his paws on Everest’s chest, holding him in place while licking his friend’s face with fervor.
“Care. To. Call. Off. Your. Hound?” Everest says in between licks, turning his head to avoid accidentally making out with the dog.
“Depends. What’s your purpose?”
“Dec!”
Declan laughs, amused at the image before him. “Alright. Fine,” he says between laughs. “Buckley, off.”
Buckley looks at Declan pleadingly as he climbs off Everest before flopping on the deck only far enough that he can quickly return to Everest if given permission again.
Everest pushes himself up on an elbow, turning his body to prepare himself to stand up. His other hand juts out and points at Declan, “Not cool.” His tone says he’s annoyed, but the smirk on his face confirms he’s as amused as Declan.
“I love that oaf of a dog of yours, but man, it doesn’t matter how prepared you are when those paws hit your chest; there’s no staying upright,” Everest says, laughing and doing his best to brush the dirty paw prints from his chest.
Declan gestures toward Everest. “Sorry about that, by the way.”
“No worries. It will wash. And if it doesn’t, well, I’ll send you my cleaner’s bill.”
