Page 101 of My Sweetest Agony
But that was before.
Now, I know the truth about the start of our relationship, and it makes everything after it seem so tainted.
“He was obsessed with you from day fucking one, Ivy, and all he ever wanted was to be with you. So, none of it was a lie. None of it.”
“But—”
His eyes sharpen even more, leaving no room to argue with him further. “No buts, Ivy. I was the selfish fucking prick. Anything Drew did after that point wasn’t about my betrayal or some game; it was about how he always felt about you. And I need you to understand and believe that.”
The way he emphasizes the word need. The forcefulness of his stare and voice. The wall of emotions that appears to be bottled up behind his gaze and ready to unleash, all send goosebumps skittering over my skin.
My chest tightens, my lungs threatening to stop as I try to swallow through the sob that wants to slip out and embarrass me in front of all the customers in the diner.
Several people already cast furtive glances at us, and I’m sure I look a mess after what we did last night—and this morning.
And I am a mess.
Far more than what I must appear like on the outside.
Tears blur my vision, then slide hot down my cheeks. “He lied to me about so many things…”
Cam presses his lips together tightly. “Only because I forced him to.”
I shake my head. “You never forced him to do anything. He could have told me that night. He could have told me any time. He could have explained it to me when I asked him what happened between the two of you, why you had your falling out. He could have said, ‘Because he fucking kissed you and fingered you in our mom’s backyard.’”
Cam flinches slightly, but now that I’ve started, I’m not sure I can bite back the anger from bursting out.
“He could have told me. He had four years to tell me. You could have told me.”
At least he has the decency to look contrite, running a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. But he doesn’t offer any explanation for their silence on the topic.
The mystery of Camden Usher was so enticing, something to unravel and explore, but now I’m just frustrated with his inability to come clean, even when we’re already airing out his dirty laundry.
I fist my hands on the table. “Didn’t he ever want to?”
That kind of secret would have crushed me.
I couldn’t have kept something like that from the man I loved.
“Of course he did, Ivy.” Cam slowly shifts, scrubbing his hands over his face. “He wanted to come clean with you from the beginning.”
But he didn’t.
Drew left me in the dark about something so important—not only to me but to us. To his family. That night changed everything for everyone he loved, and its ripple effect continues today. Nancy still doesn’t understand what happened between her sons or why Cam won’t come home to her, and it all stems from that one moment in time.
And in my heart, the fact that Drew kept it from me is just as bad as what Cam did.
“Then why didn’t he?”
I try to keep the anger out of my voice, but apparently, I fail because Cam winces.
He fingers his mug again, drumming his nails along the side of the chipped ceramic. “He didn’t tell you because I made him believe that he would lose you if he did.”
“What?”
Cam stares at his coffee, which must be cold by now, unable to look at me, his jaw clenched. “I told you I was a prick, Ivy. I was so wrapped up in what happened between us that I didn’t think about the consequences for you, for him. And when he sent me that text, I told you I didn’t apologize, but…” He releases a troubled sigh, finally looking up at me with regret in his gaze. “I replied and told him that the connection we had was so instantaneous and real that he would never have with you what I did in those twenty minutes we sat there together.”
I gape at him, unable to reconcile something so vicious with the man who has been so giving and kind to me.
